tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49843686843901543512024-03-05T23:17:10.938-08:00the gray'sJordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-5685946908345147482014-03-03T19:52:00.000-08:002014-03-03T21:03:27.730-08:00...and if not, He is still good.<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>grief </b>is defined as<b>: </b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"> <i>a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a </i></span><i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Human bonding">bond</a> <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">was formed.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></i></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">I'm going to be very open and vulnerable here... so don't read on if you don't want to hear it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">I hadn't experienced grief until Saturday, March 1st, 2014. Very few knew this, but I was pregnant with our second child, to be born in late September. This pregnancy was a sweet surprise, just like our pregnancy with Jaden. We were shocked because my hormone levels had been so low... low enough to where we were uncertain if we could get pregnant until they started to increase. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">at the end of December, I just knew I was pregnant. I took a couple tests (not drug store tests, I had some test strips from a co-op I'm a part of. they tend to show up earlier) and got a slight positive reading. However, I had my midwife draw my blood and it came back negative. The following week, I had her draw it again and it was positive! I couldn't believe it. Surely it was a fluke! I couldn't possibly be pregnant with our second love. I was <i>ecstatic. </i>to say the very least. I wanted to tell everyone immediately. One of the things we advise our clients is to wait until after the first trimester to "announce" your pregnancy to people other than close friends and family, because the risk of miscarriage goes down significantly after 12 weeks. Jordan really thought we should wait, and so we did. We announced to our families and best friends the weekend we had Jaden's first birthday party. It was perfect. There were tears, hugs, laughing... everyone was so excited with us and for us. I immediately started dreaming of Jaden as a big brother, if this baby would be a boy or girl, how I would decorate the nursery... all the things that go through a mother's brain.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">As the pregnancy progressed, I was a little alarmed because it was a drastically different pregnancy than what I had experienced with Jaden. With Jaden, I never doubted that I was pregnant (even though I never showed positive on a pregnancy test) because I vomited several times a day until 15+ weeks. Other than being exhausted and having a suppressed immune system, I really didn't have any symptoms at all. I kept taking tests to make sure I was in fact still pregnant :) my body is wonky and my dates tend to be really off, as they were with Jaden, so we scheduled an early sonogram to best get an accurate idea of how many weeks we were gestationally. We went to the sono at 6 weeks, 4 days. I saw the flickering heartbeat and immediately felt peace wash over me. That was my baby. I loved it so much already. I cried as I saw my baby being perfectly formed in my womb. I started dreaming of my home birth: who would be there, the music that would be playing, catching my own baby...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I get to experience new life all the time as a midwifery student. I get to walk with women through their most wonderful times of their lives... I get to stand by and assist as their babies come forth into the world. I see the Lord's perfect handiwork all the time. Part of that though, is that I experience loss too. It is heart wrenching every time a mom miscarries her baby. The loss that's felt... not only the loss of a child, but the loss of a dream. It never occurred to me that this would one day be me. This surely wouldn't be my lot, right? This is the kind of thing that happens to other people, right? I had a previously semi-easy pregnancy, I'm young, I'm healthy...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">on February 28th, Jordan and I were getting ready to go on a date night, and I started spotting. I texted my midwife to let her know, but cramping hadn't yet started, so we weren't alarmed at that point. Spotting (and even cramping) can be pretty common in early pregnancy. As the night went on, I started cramping and still bleeding, though it hadn't increased at all. I tried my best to enjoy my night with my husband and keep the worry from creeping in. When I got home that evening, the cramping had continued all through the night on/off, as had the bleeding. I called my midwife, Ann, and bawled to her. I wasn't feeling peaceful anymore. I knew too much to be peaceful. Deep down I had a really horrifying feeling that something really was wrong. Our sweet sonographer, Robin, who works at the birth center I apprentice at, came in straight from her vacation that night to do a sonogram for me. All I needed to see was the heartbeat. I was almost 9 weeks on Friday, so she should've been able to do the sonogram on my belly, instead of internally. She started on my belly and she couldn't see anything, as my uterus and the baby hadn't grown to that height yet. I knew at that moment and started crying. Still, we decided to do an internal sonogram...the baby measured 7 weeks, 1 day. no heartbeat. my baby... dead in my womb for over a week and a half. I lost it. How could I not have known? I laid on the table and sobbed as my husband and my midwife laid their hands on me and tried their best to comfort me. the loss was unbearable in that moment.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">the first thing the enemy tried to say to me in that moment was, "Malloree... you know your name means unlucky. why are you surprised?" I almost told Ann that. I'm unlucky. I'm not surprised. but for some reason, I didn't. I battled back and said to him, "no. I'm not unlucky. I have one beautiful son and I had the privilege of carrying this angel for 7 weeks." something in me kind of shifted at that point. I realized that my baby was safer in the arms of Jesus than he/she would ever be on earth with me. My baby would never know pain, hurt, heartbreak, grief... just fullness, joy, and safety. Ann reminded me that when a baby dies this early on, it was the Lord's mercy for that baby... something would have been wrong, or even fatal had the pregnancy continued. My response was, "I would have loved it anyway." and she told me she knew... but it was the Lord's mercy for me too. I just hugged her and sobbed. I was so glad she was there with me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">..."so what next?" I asked her. She told me I could go to the hospital and have a D&C, which meant they would surgically remove everything from my body... or, I could just let my body do it on it's own. Which it had already started to, obviously. I opted to let my body finish what it started. I couldn't even believe we were having that conversation...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">so we headed home. I texted my parents, my friends that I had asked to pray, and let them know the news. My best friend, Holly, called me. She was the one person the Lord knew I needed to talk to. she let me cry and she cried with me. I came home, held Jaden for a long time, and thanked Jesus for my precious boy and I just wept... how could I feel so much love and so much loss all at once? Just earlier that day, I would tell Jaden to kiss the baby, and he would give my belly the sweetest kiss. Now, we knew the baby was no longer there... our baby was with Jesus.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I couldn't sleep that night, as my body had started to labor, essentially. The cramping was hard. It would start dull and then peak, just like a contraction does. I lathered myself in essential oils, grabbed my heating pad, and tried to rest inbetween them. By the morning, I could tell my body was trying to finish the process (I'll spare you details). But, it was pretty beautiful... I got to labor and birth this baby. I got to labor in pain, have the cramping and the contractions that come with labor, and give this baby the same labor of love that I did with Jaden and that I will with our future children. This child got all of me in that moment... It felt so final once the baby was out. Just like normal birth (well, for a first time mom), the cramping stopped shortly after the baby was out. I saw the sac that the baby was in, and everything that was starting to form, and just like that, I felt peace. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;">At first, I told Ann and Jordan that I didn't want to see anything... but now, I'm so glad I decided to look. I'll always remember it and I'll always remember the release I felt. I had to say goodbye to my baby and to my dream, yet there was more peace than I ever remember feeling before.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;">I have never experienced personal tragedy until this. I knew it was bound to happen at some point, it just wasn't how I pictured it would be. I never thought I would lose a child. some people who have never experienced this are probably thinking... you were only 9 weeks, how can you mourn over someone you never knew? The pro-abortion people would say, that's not even a child... but oh how wrong they are. Let me tell you, there is <b>NOTHING like a mother's love for her children, born or unborn... </b>9 years or 9 weeks. The attachment is usually instantaneous from the second the positive reading comes on the test, or the first sweet sound of a heartbeat is heard. The Lord entrusted ME with this baby for those 7 weeks he/she was being created. He used my body to grow her to her fullest potential. I will never understand why this baby died so young. I really thought I would wrestle harder with that idea, but I haven't. Reason being, that while I don't know why this happened, what I do know is that the Lord is good. Everything He does is good... it always has been and it always will be. That never changes, though my circumstances change. I updated my facebook status saying, "...and if not, He is still good." I feel that way, truly. I am not angry, mad, or bitter like I thought I would be. I feel deeply sad... heartbroken... but not angry. I really am comforted knowing that my baby is with Jesus and that one day I'll see him/her again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;">Psalm 34:18 says, "the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He saves those who are crushed in spirit."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;">I am so thankful. That is me. Broken hearted and crushed in spirit... but <b>I KNOW </b>with everything that I am that the Lord is <i>FOR </i>me. He is never against me. He loves me, He loves my babies... He promises that His yolk is easy and His burden is light. He says for me to come to Him when I'm weary and heavy laden and He will give me rest. (Matt. 11:28)... and He has.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;">Job 1:21 says, "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away... blessed be the name of the Lord." though I may not know why, still I know He is good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">going back to the definition of grief at the top... It's safe to say that I'm grieving. But it's not in the way I expected. I'm grieving, I'm heartbroken, but I'm filled with comfort and encouragement. I'm not overcome by anger, resentment, and questions. I've asked the Lord to give us a name for him/her.. and I really believe He has, and also spoken that this baby was a girl. We will always love her and always be thankful for the things we were taught by her short life. Though an insignificant amount of time to most, her life is worth all the celebrating. Though we mourn, we are filled with joy. Thank you, Jesus, for letting us be her parents. We are so grateful for the privilege.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I write all this to encourage. I do not want a single ounce of pity. I have learned more about grace in the last 36 hours than I have in my entire life. I have learned more about the goodness and the sovereignty of God than I ever thought I would. So please, let it encourage you and not lead you to feel sorry for us. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><b>THANK YOU to everyone who has been praying, texting, calling, offering to feed us... you are gems and we are so grateful. love you all.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-90920857173896821532013-09-20T13:28:00.001-07:002013-09-20T13:57:11.397-07:00the mommy warsLately I have been noticing a trend in how mothers treat other mothers. Sometimes it's supportive, sometimes it's encouraging, but sometimes there's an underlying tone of "I'm better than you and my choices that I make for my children are better than the choices you make for yours." While I truly don't think that's what's really in the hearts of all moms, I really think it's our insecurity that breeds this kind of behavior that even I am guilty of.<br />
<br />
There are SO many ways to do things as a parent. There is organic and non-organic food, breastmilk vs formula, circumcision vs non-circumcision, cosleeping vs non-cosleeping, vaccinating vs. non vaccinating, cloth diapers and disposable diapers, babyled weaning vs purees, natural birth vs induced and planned vaginal births or c-sections, spanking vs non spanking, sleep training etc etc... I mean the list is ENDLESS. Who can really keep up with all that? What are we trying to prove by being pushy and giving non-solicited advice to other moms? Who are we to assume that because we do or do not do something, that we are somehow a better mother or love our child more than that mom does? We do not know a mothers story or reasoning behind her choices and it is not up to us to judge. Period.<br />
<br />
I don't know about you... but everyday I feel like I'm just trying to keep my head above the water. Everyday, I feel like I'm not doing something correctly, that I could be doing something better. OH and not only do I feel that way, but there are other moms who remind me that I'm not good enough (accidentally I assume) and I could be making better choices for my son. I'm sure I have (accidentally) made other moms feel that way in the past. I have been berated for choosing to circumcise my son, not co-sleeping, choosing to use purees instead of doing baby-led weaning, letting my child cry, being pro-spanking... The reality is that we (my husband and I) do what we feel is the best thing for our son and for us as a family, as I know the rest of you do.<br />
<br />
There have been so many articles circulating the internet lately about non-vaccinated children spreading the "highest # of measles cases in the last 17 years." while I don't agree, the articles posting up on my minifeed INFURIATED me due to the ignorance and misinformation of the article. (I'm not sparking a vaccine debate here- it's just part of the story). But, because it made me so mad that someone would doubt that because I don't vaccinate my child that I am somehow loving my child less and not doing the best I can and doing what we feel as a family is the best thing for us... I passive-agressively posted a couple of articles basically counter-arguing that article, with information on the other side. I'm all about being educated on both sides of an issue and spent LONG hours researching whether to vaccinate my child or not. So to read ignorant things like that coming from a non-reliable news source made me MAD and I reacted. But here's the thing... I shouldn't have. I acted in that moment the same way that I hate being treated. Saying- "you think this, but here's what I think and this is better." hear me say this louder: I am so sorry. I owe an apology to everyone who read that and thought... "ugh... I can't believe she's acting that way." or whatever you thought, if you thought it. I am no better than anyone and the way I do things is no better than the next mother. I have not been able to get it off my mind. so if I upset you and you were mad at me... please forgive me. I am so sorry.<br />
<br />
I want to celebrate your victories with you, encourage you through the hard times, and enjoy the proud moments of motherhood. There will be many things that we will regret and wish that we could do over once our children are grown... But the only thing I can hope for is that my babies know I loved them fiercely and did the best I knew how. They will probably never thank us for putting them in cloth diapers, but I bet they will thank us for teaching them what it means to be a person of character and value. They will probably never thank us for breast feeding or formula feeding, but they will thank us for teaching them what grace and forgiveness are. Those are the kinds of things I want to choose. That's what I want to invest my time and my heart in.<br />
<br />
I want to tell all the moms to be, new moms, seasoned moms... we are all in this together. We should be empowering each other and helping one another be the best mom that we can be, the mom that we want to be... not the mom that pinterest, internet moms groups, and the moms we "think" we should be. Being a mother is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. Everyday we have to choose our child over ourselves, we have to sustain another human being, and we are responsible for a LIFE! Add to that all the other choices we have to make as parents, it's no wonder we are exhausted and burnt out. It's no wonder we compare! There are all these "supermoms" out there... moms who have it all together, who are able to cook a delicious meal every single night, whose babies have slept through the night from night one, their kids don't cry, their hubby is completely satisfied, their house is all picked up, they have time to do everything they want to do, she has no stretch marks, her relationship with the Lord is perfect... man oh man, that sounds great! It's not reality.<br />
<br />
Let me be very honest here: I rarely cook. My house is a disaster 95% of the time. My child is a horrible sleeper. Sometimes I spend too much time doing other things when I should be paying more attention to my child. Sometimes I <strike>want</strike> NEED a break. sometimes I don't want to make a decision. sometimes my husband gets my leftovers because I am too exhausted from being a mom during the day. my relationship with the Lord isn't great 90% of the time. I have stretch marks. sometimes I operate out of fear. sometimes being a mother and a wife feels like too much of a responsibility and I'm frustrated as to why the Lord thought I was capable to do so. I am a HOT MESS 99% of the time.<br />
<br />
...but you know what... my child adores me. regardless of what kind of diapers he wears that day or whether or not his food is made at home or in a pouch. he loves me eventhough he sleeps in a different room. he loves me. all the time he loves me.<br />
<br />
Of course there is such thing as abuse (which is never okay) and evidence based choices, and we should make big decisions based on doing our research. We do owe that to our children when we are making choices on their behalf. Do your research, educate yourself, then decide how to proceed. people will feel differently about certain choices than you do, than I do. We all make choices based on our specific family needs, our beliefs, and what we know. You can't fault anyone for that.<br />
<br />
But here's the truth we all need to dwell in... <b>YOU are a great mom. I am a great mom. WE are great moms. Our child was chosen specifically for us and us for them. No one else could do the job better. Whatever choice you choose, it is enough. Whether you nurse or use formula, you are a good mom. Whether you cook organically or not for your family, you are a good mom. Whether you use cloth or disposable diapers, you are a good mom. Whether you homeschool or send your kids to school, you are a good mom. Whatever your choice. Hear this- you are GREAT. you are doing what you feel is best for your child and for that, I applaud and admire you, mama. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
THANK YOU to the moms who encourage me to be the woman, wife, mother, and friend that I desire to be. Thank you to the moms who love me where I'm at.<br />
<br />
as moms- let's be a united front. let's love each other like crazy and stand by each other when the baby hasn't stopped screaming all day and it's 6:00 and dinner hasn't crossed your mind. let's show each other grace and mercy, just as Jesus does with us.Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-84703915443106595742013-04-29T13:32:00.000-07:002013-04-29T13:36:46.282-07:00auntie love.today marks one year since the birth of one of the most loved babies in the world, my niece Ella.<br />
<br />
I remember the day so clearly... Jordan and I were both in Atlanta doing some last minute wedding stuff & Jenn was 2 days past her due date. We thought the baby was going to come early and it didn't, so we were on high alert and were praying that she would wait until we got back. The night/early morning before the day we were leaving to come home, we get a call around 3:30am from my sister, Shannon, saying that Jennifer was in heavy labor with Ella and that she would be making her entrance soon. I remember being <b>devastated. </b>not that she was being born, but that I was missing it. Jennifer and I had become so close in the months of her pregnancy. I felt so connected to her and this baby and wanted nothing more in the world than to be present for her birth. I cried and cried and cried. I felt such loss... I can't explain it. I was so mad at the Lord I couldn't even see straight. I simply couldn't understand. I woke Jordan up and we never went back to sleep because we were waiting on the phone call to tell us she had made it into the world. We got a call around 4:30 that she had come. Shannon brought the phone in the room so I could hear her cry and I just lost it. I felt like we were missing out. Looking back, it seems so selfish because while I was so happy that she was born healthy and that Jenn was healthy... I just can't describe the feeling I had other than I was distraught. Jordan will tell you it was one of the worst memories he has with me :) I cried all day long and couldn't wait to get back to see her and be with my sister.<br />
<br />
the next day, we drove all the way from Atlanta to DFW and went straight to their house. I got to hold her for the first time and I just remember feeling so overwhelmed with her. She was so tiny and so pretty. a lot of babies aren't pretty when they're first born... let's be honest. but not her- she was BEAUTIFUL. I wasn't pregnant then, but I knew that I wouldn't love another baby like that until my own. I was absolutely crazy about her from day one. Jenn and I have talked about this several times, but my nephew Jackson, of course I know he loves me... but I wasn't in his life until he was four. He had to learn who I was. Ella will ALWAYS know. She will always have known me and I will have always known her.<br />
<br />
My sister, Jenn, had an amazing, redemptive, natural, intervention free, peaceful VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) with Ella. she was brought into the world with grace and strength. I had never been more proud of my sister and never been happier for a family to have a new baby. I knew how hard they had prayed and how long they had waited for her. she was truly a gift. not only to her parents, but to our whole family.<br />
<br />
looking back... I am now thankful that the Lord knew better than for me to be present at Ella's birth because I was able to have no pre-conceived notions for my own (although I had a natural, intervention free, peaceful birth with the same midwives in the same bed as Jenn, haha!) but my pregnancy and my birth were completely different and they were all mine, just as Jenn's were all hers. although I love that we share the commonalities that we do. my sister is a rock star... no one parents with as much gentleness and quiet strength as my sister.<br />
<br />
and now a little letter to Ella-<br />
<br />
ella girl-<br />
<br />
what a year it has been as your aunt. I'm crying while writing this because I know right now that you don't quite understand just yet how much you are adored and loved. from your first day of life to this present day at one year old, you have blessed my life tremendously. I know you know you have wonderful parents... you are so in love with your papa and your bubba and your sweet mama- well, you never want to leave her side! you love her so much. your whole family is absolutely crazy about you. we have watched you go from sleepy newborn, to sitting up on your own, to laughing, army crawling, full on crawling, and now you are almost walking... you are a girl on the move. you are adventurous and you are hysterical. you are so proud of yourself now that you're walking! you are loving to eat right now... we came to visit you at your house this weekend and you were talking up a storm. you love your baby cousin and you want to touch him constantly. he is going to love you so much when he's older. I know you will take good care of him and make sure he doesn't date just ANY girl :) I love watching you love your big brother, Jax. he is so crazy about you. although I was an aunt before you were born, it was different because I had to adopt that role immediately and learn Jax as a four year old and hadn't gotten to watch him grow up. I felt robbed in that sense because I love him so much and missed out on so many things. but you... ella girl, you made me an aunt. what a joy and a privilege to love you and to watch you grow up. the Lord has shown me and taught me so much about being a mom, by watching your mom mother you and her allowing me to be involved with you as your aunt. I will always look at you with as much love and as much adoration as I did the first time I met you. you and me... we have a sweet relationship, little lady.<br />
<br />
I want you to know that you have the best parents in the world. They love you, they prayed so long and hard for you, and they are faithful when it comes to parenting you. You are part of an amazing heritage... one that started way back and continues today, on both sides of your family. I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I'm not your mom and that is NOT a role I can or will fill for you and I will ALWAYS agree and side with your mom, however, I will always have an ear to listen and hopefully some wisdom to give. I am the luckiest aunt in the world to be yours. (by the way- you have a few aunts who feel the same way!) and I cannot fathom life without you. I pray you always know your worth and value are in Jesus... that it is God given and something no one can ever take away from you. You have joy and beauty to offer this world and already at one year old, you give it so easily.<br />
<br />
thank you for loving me as much as your sweet one year old heart can. thank you for the privilege of being "aunt mal." I love you forever and I am so grateful for the blessing of calling you my niece.<br />
<br />
all my love<br />
aunt mal<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy93BDwAwt_-Z8ouXa_VdTtRnQkpxxkUtvcQPHbM_fbqnyP3-369W2COyAd-MZ5BoLW_eSc35xUAPyauAiibKLqaFUtaFBqXpXmVnRHGH-Kyztt4JPGuuYxb4Z1-TiVsXTIPbVmsUZ2NA/s1600/ellaone.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy93BDwAwt_-Z8ouXa_VdTtRnQkpxxkUtvcQPHbM_fbqnyP3-369W2COyAd-MZ5BoLW_eSc35xUAPyauAiibKLqaFUtaFBqXpXmVnRHGH-Kyztt4JPGuuYxb4Z1-TiVsXTIPbVmsUZ2NA/s320/ellaone.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
the first time I held her. bliss!</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-65220422972265340792013-04-01T15:35:00.002-07:002013-04-01T15:39:28.463-07:00two months & EasterWhat a wonderful last few weeks we have had!<br />
<br />
On March 24th (which just so happens to be my amazing Poppy's birthday), we celebrated Jaden's 2nd month of life. What a month it was. We had visits from one of my best friends, Hayley, and also my mom and little sister came. We had our 8 week appt with our midwife and our doctor and we have a very healthy, strong, little man. He also had his lip and tongue ties both removed and while the recovery was no fun, our nursing relationship is SO much better, as is his gas and tummy problems. who knew? During this month, Jaden's colic was at it's peak. I was pretty much at my limit and felt like I was going to have a meltdown. He screamed non stop for <b>two. whole. days. </b>Even though he's had a pretty severe case of colic, he had never screamed and cried like that. His pedi couldn't see him and so I did what I had to do... took him to the ER. When I got there, I was <b>sobbing. </b>He hadn't stopped crying for a good 3-4 hours at that point and I just felt so defeated and helpless. The people at Cook's Children's (if you live in DFW, they are AMAZING) took such good care of Jaden (and of his emotional mama). They even took the baby and let me have a few minutes of quiet. Jaden was diagnosed with GERD which in laymen's terms is reflux. I knew he had tummy issues and had planned to talk to his ped at the 2 month visit, but I didn't realize that's what was causing all the discomfort. They gave me a prescription for reflux meds, which I really hate to put him on so young, but I was so desperate. I had tried EVERYTHING up to this point.<br />
<br />
fast forward to Thursday, which is the day he was 8 weeks old, and ya'll... I had a different baby. He was smiling and cooing and laughing. Jordan and I went to lunch and Jaden was sitting in his car seat and all of a sudden he just started smiling at us. I started to cry because before that, my baby did NOT smile, nor did I ever feel like he was happy. He was an angel at lunch and usually going out is a nightmare for us.<br />
<br />
I still have a different baby. I am SO thankful. I cannot tell you how much I cried and prayed these last 2 months. I cannot tell you how many times I thought, "I cannot do this another day." I cannot tell you how often the enemy whispered to me how bad I was failing and how helpless I felt. I cannot tell you how much I dreaded when Jordan left for work because it meant I was all alone with the baby all day. But now, I cannot tell you how relieved, appreciative, and happy I am to finally have a peaceful, content baby. It was by far the hardest 2 months of mine and Jordan's lives and we found a patience within ourselves that we didn't have before this. We learned to love and take care of our baby despite his constant screaming and not being able to enjoy him right away. Now, we are enjoying him so much more as he seems to be enjoying all of us. Not to mention the poor thing finally feels better! no tummy pains, no gas, no nothing. complete healing!<br />
<br />
We have also moved out of our apartment. I say GOOD. FREAKING. RIDDANCE. I hated that place and I hated our upstairs neighbor and her demon dog so I am thankful to be out. We are back in with Jordan's parents for now as we're in the process of buying a house. *fingers crossed* We said we would never move back in with either of our parents, but for now we are thankful for the opportunity so we can save money, have some extra hands with Jaden, and to have the extra space. Plus we spend all of our time here anyway, so now we don't have an extra drive :)<br />
<br />
Easter was yesterday. I am going to be honest, I get irritated at Easter because of all the people who are not Christian's the other 363 days out of the year (the other day being Christmas) coming out of the woodwork with random scriptures and all this religious hoopla and it makes me mad. It's like some people only remember what Jesus did for them 1 or 2 days out of the year and the rest of the year they don't acknowledge Him whatsoever or blame Him for things going wrong in the world and saying, "Where were you God when _________ happened?" I said to my family yesterday, I wonder how many ways people will try and write "He is Risen" all over Facebook. Let me tell you, it was a lot. But, then I felt convicted for being so cynical about it and not giving the day much thought because I was so annoyed by all the pretenders. I am grateful every single day for what Jesus did, but how does it play in my life? Sure, I pray, I thank God, I read scripture, I try and live my life according to the Bible, but what else?? Is that really it? We watched the new series "the Bible" on TV the last few weeks and last night's was the Easter episode. I have loved watching this every week because it really makes you wonder about things that you may not have thought of before. It tells the Bible as a story and I love that. Each week it has evoked some sort of emotion out of me. This week's had me feeling small and convicted. To watch Jesus go through what He went through, to have been beaten, to have walked with a cross on his back, to be accused, spit on, screamed at, whipped, nails piercing his body... for me? For me who sometimes tries to justify my sins? even the small ones? For us who continually turn our backs to Him when we hear Him and do not obey? For the people who are trying to get Him out of schools? For those people who only appreciate Him 1 or 2 days out of the year? For the people who HATE him? For the overzealous, haughty, biggots who think they can do no wrong? It just wrecked me. I cried as I watched and I couldn't stop thinking about it. How humbled I was... how grateful I was, and how I still couldn't quite wrap my mind around why someone who do that for me. How can you watch that and still not believe? How can you not be affected by the fact that someone else who was blameless died on your behalf? I just don't get it. Then I watched Mary as her son was being crucified and my heart just felt so much pain for her. I cannot imagine now having a son, watching him die, watching people mock his name, beating him... how helpless and afraid she must have felt. I immediately went upstairs and got Jaden, held him and cried. Ya'll, that was her baby boy. Dying for all the people who hated him. Can you imagine that feeling? Ugh. I know this is a lot, but I just was so astounded by watching the crucifixion yesterday. I think I need to rewatch it over and over again to keep it in the forefront of my mind. After yesterday, I am more appreciative than I have ever been and more humbled than I have ever been.<br />
<br />
Okay- now on a much lighter note- here are Jaden's 2 month stats!<br />
<br />
Happy Two Months, little one. my love for you grows everyday!<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>LOTS of smiling, laughing, and cooing</li>
<li>loves watching Baby Einstein DVD's</li>
<li>can keep his head up for extended periods of time</li>
<li>still loves bathtime</li>
<li>weighing 12 lbs, 14 oz</li>
<li>23.5 inches long!</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This picture was at lunch the first time he really smiled at us!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH3GdkKp_mJB92PcBKYx9PvbbC_I2ALWTllzfZ7QPEm1GGST3ioR4wPCDY_3Wf8K5INlxmL0MS6vu7akD436GF7eNZhHtKudLQO_gPfC-_aDJhS9A3cNdXPCZpKTVBW6IAddTEphhwFgc/s1600/2month3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH3GdkKp_mJB92PcBKYx9PvbbC_I2ALWTllzfZ7QPEm1GGST3ioR4wPCDY_3Wf8K5INlxmL0MS6vu7akD436GF7eNZhHtKudLQO_gPfC-_aDJhS9A3cNdXPCZpKTVBW6IAddTEphhwFgc/s320/2month3.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
here too... I seriously cried.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAR7JzGemF6wAcm4TmZrmBHMuXBIv2UgYueAYNtXFDg2WRijXZhka5uXdUZplPv8DDXbat9sdogcmTKLNNG_k33a6xyKnhu6P4zZexV8fTKH0GfHQ66tBvTW8rmPajf4YjuXtMFTmCIww/s1600/2month4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAR7JzGemF6wAcm4TmZrmBHMuXBIv2UgYueAYNtXFDg2WRijXZhka5uXdUZplPv8DDXbat9sdogcmTKLNNG_k33a6xyKnhu6P4zZexV8fTKH0GfHQ66tBvTW8rmPajf4YjuXtMFTmCIww/s320/2month4.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrMCHzsH19VLv5hbapdQUNFjeQPswHi68t9i9KjMbs_1OAq3W8poVLk8OwP9B1krZEwVLtJFDT4T9i63Hwn2sHQ7mmWTqrV5R81psbyasejs5kFNzLYNgMb5F_OyLdt2aovZ11DXg38g/s1600/2month1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrMCHzsH19VLv5hbapdQUNFjeQPswHi68t9i9KjMbs_1OAq3W8poVLk8OwP9B1krZEwVLtJFDT4T9i63Hwn2sHQ7mmWTqrV5R81psbyasejs5kFNzLYNgMb5F_OyLdt2aovZ11DXg38g/s320/2month1.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My mom was here! We LOVE her and love when she comes to town.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23v5AH3t87NpSCFxOrPBRVPj-BLsXmfbRW8z9VM3gio3G4NTYv8txKDNPzTrAzedogRuDVk3_43XWzsc8QuRKI2QbhwI4PipvnDOsGwICuoirZxOimI8kZd-q1oCpKAF1_qKPRMuxXhY/s1600/meandmom2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23v5AH3t87NpSCFxOrPBRVPj-BLsXmfbRW8z9VM3gio3G4NTYv8txKDNPzTrAzedogRuDVk3_43XWzsc8QuRKI2QbhwI4PipvnDOsGwICuoirZxOimI8kZd-q1oCpKAF1_qKPRMuxXhY/s320/meandmom2.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b>Happy two months, little love. You are joy.</b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2HdBS9iXgyK7lHLXqmikrE56NxGyBfWsFR_r6_CFIeB4TtNKyqIYiI_mqY2n0G9Q7ZIrSX_RXN8Awv01A6hPmfuBkKeeN4hSSoCxqTWOUeySFgZnqxIzcGVgbPYzc_5wnaj_LzKzZO8/s1600/2month5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2HdBS9iXgyK7lHLXqmikrE56NxGyBfWsFR_r6_CFIeB4TtNKyqIYiI_mqY2n0G9Q7ZIrSX_RXN8Awv01A6hPmfuBkKeeN4hSSoCxqTWOUeySFgZnqxIzcGVgbPYzc_5wnaj_LzKzZO8/s320/2month5.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Easter! How handsome is my boy?</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqM9Pkbugfvx-WheRTCU1gYHev25uNIvxFstF8VNtvgBx6UEhFbCzIPam6RgkIVnTm9Da3eFJLx9DUJCxLiFa9JZZVyklgwKfiEQczTAyy6yC4h-45FlyDvqR5O5NmcPrLlesFncErXPA/s1600/2month6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqM9Pkbugfvx-WheRTCU1gYHev25uNIvxFstF8VNtvgBx6UEhFbCzIPam6RgkIVnTm9Da3eFJLx9DUJCxLiFa9JZZVyklgwKfiEQczTAyy6yC4h-45FlyDvqR5O5NmcPrLlesFncErXPA/s320/2month6.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho2jCYsaZwUS7uz9cdPRdkmjmP_3Dk66Jf0sUaVsoLQtX6jp9MD5o-DnUL_lcn95fR3cUVkFhdMU88QjBwAk5PbXoj1CQ6bPDO9v9sHbyKKhYTfBbRJnb0ed2habQIAICg3pLzWyxm7dA/s1600/2month7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho2jCYsaZwUS7uz9cdPRdkmjmP_3Dk66Jf0sUaVsoLQtX6jp9MD5o-DnUL_lcn95fR3cUVkFhdMU88QjBwAk5PbXoj1CQ6bPDO9v9sHbyKKhYTfBbRJnb0ed2habQIAICg3pLzWyxm7dA/s320/2month7.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Jaden and his 2 cousins, Ella & Jax. I am in love!!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheaUnPtUvH6MFPEIYvcDyq21z42E3AnxFcIfRwGjSHJLJmGaGZkaJJr32WkHSS7c_gNJHgnGZw0Sc-tTVnGpcrOcxfZErhel8c9UuKAEnKNumG2ie3AYKp_oUhyBYDn9eBvYzpn6EfmOM/s1600/2month8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheaUnPtUvH6MFPEIYvcDyq21z42E3AnxFcIfRwGjSHJLJmGaGZkaJJr32WkHSS7c_gNJHgnGZw0Sc-tTVnGpcrOcxfZErhel8c9UuKAEnKNumG2ie3AYKp_oUhyBYDn9eBvYzpn6EfmOM/s320/2month8.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
our sweet family.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc8AZ9bIxFkiTCxampHu73025Wc5AN-so9pAKRPU2OTXxrN1xfh7jQb0bbgA9sz0D-bLTgiWp-M8sw98uR-Jr_D3LVR0qL_ZCPU2Ere_QojvMAl-snfZ4mFwDUACjPgkLdqdnCLz25O2U/s1600/2month9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc8AZ9bIxFkiTCxampHu73025Wc5AN-so9pAKRPU2OTXxrN1xfh7jQb0bbgA9sz0D-bLTgiWp-M8sw98uR-Jr_D3LVR0qL_ZCPU2Ere_QojvMAl-snfZ4mFwDUACjPgkLdqdnCLz25O2U/s320/2month9.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
be blessed everyone. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-44173991399439412022013-03-10T19:26:00.002-07:002013-03-10T19:26:31.577-07:00one month.Our little love was one month new on February 24th. I'm a little late posting this, but One Month is still worthy of celebrating!<br />
<br />
One Month Stats:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>11 lbs, 5 oz.</li>
<li>22 inches long</li>
<li>He loves to watch ceiling fans, snuggle with mommy, take long car rides, bath time, and his paci.</li>
<li>He is the most cuddly baby in the world, always down for snuggle time.</li>
<li>Officially out of newborn clothes and in 0-3 months, as well as a couple 3-6 months</li>
<li>He went on his first road trip (sort of) to Marble Falls, TX</li>
<li>He had RSV and is fully recovered (praise the Lord!)</li>
<li>He started to smile and it melts mommy and daddy's hearts everytime.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Happy One Month to you, my little darling. You have stolen your parents hearts as well as everyone around you. What joy you bring to our lives daily. We love loving you.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNVdqdGPR4Cw_JxyA2ksu133zsuy5VnS2xbfui3dFl39h7t2qaVF7OIuV3iQgQQMQ_Ts5OTMI7zpEuX9kotpAWPL1UUqbdK4b_p59XRuE18vgjBZJ2ZBGXNSEQXeGcU_y8OtbYhUHIPB4/s1600/DSCF0094.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNVdqdGPR4Cw_JxyA2ksu133zsuy5VnS2xbfui3dFl39h7t2qaVF7OIuV3iQgQQMQ_Ts5OTMI7zpEuX9kotpAWPL1UUqbdK4b_p59XRuE18vgjBZJ2ZBGXNSEQXeGcU_y8OtbYhUHIPB4/s400/DSCF0094.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10Pg_uaAYhlGhmOkKwOdLCXObTfewxsox2evM-MndPUIPisv665A7_14lqtP7yWnuUO9zM0KdscnPCW-PNhN1bu3Bi7-BQPaebLgZwfs54hHMNNjaBqCiuwHg3hcmov1tOVXa9ZqSgO8/s1600/DSCF0114.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10Pg_uaAYhlGhmOkKwOdLCXObTfewxsox2evM-MndPUIPisv665A7_14lqtP7yWnuUO9zM0KdscnPCW-PNhN1bu3Bi7-BQPaebLgZwfs54hHMNNjaBqCiuwHg3hcmov1tOVXa9ZqSgO8/s400/DSCF0114.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4xlV9GDf9MngeQuF6oX29X_fQCxe3luoX3tuvFKNnlBNHOGixD6nbivecuzW8YsH8-A-bHsx0OVpooSTwLtGRhasXvda7goPBD4EKbJorzJFBjNscyFzZCFNrmGFLNaW9oz_gKxnIMrU/s1600/DSCF0106.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4xlV9GDf9MngeQuF6oX29X_fQCxe3luoX3tuvFKNnlBNHOGixD6nbivecuzW8YsH8-A-bHsx0OVpooSTwLtGRhasXvda7goPBD4EKbJorzJFBjNscyFzZCFNrmGFLNaW9oz_gKxnIMrU/s400/DSCF0106.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-85077222708757736432013-02-18T11:17:00.002-08:002013-02-18T11:17:28.226-08:00motherhoodI'm writing this while I should be doing the piles of laundry that tend to accumulate quickly these days, while trying to clean the apartment... these times are few and far between these days as I struggle to balance my time between taking care of my baby and taking care of my home. Jaden isn't the best sleeper yet, so I have to make the most of my downtime. I have "thank you" cards to write, forms to submit, laundry to be folded, closets/drawers to be organized, etc etc... but I just want to write today.<br />
<br />
I will admit that being a mom to a newborn is hard. A lot harder than I thought. We have struggled in the last few weeks with Jaden having what we are convinced is colic. He cries for long hours of the day... sometimes up to 3-4 hours non stop. He is fussy when he is awake and really the only time he is peaceful is when he sleeps. The times he has been peaceful and awake have been few and far between. So it has been really hard to enjoy our sweet baby during those times. We have tried everything to help him... I have changed my diet (since I'm nursing), we have used several different remedies, but our little love has an irritable tummy and it has been hard on everyone, especially him. It hurts us to see him in pain, but as we have made certain changes, it has gotten a little better. Night times are the hardest, as he is usually inconsolable from 7pm-11pm, give or take a couple hours.<br />
<br />
However, Jaden had a great weekend on Friday and Saturday... he got his weekly chiropractic adjusment (they do not "crack" his bones- don't freak out) to help with his tummy and we could tell that he felt tons better. We had planned on going on a date on Sunday so we could celebrate Valentine's Day and Jordan's parents were going to keep Jaden. They got over here and he was hysterical... I felt horrible leaving. I cried when we left, feeling guilty for leaving him when he was so upset. But my husband and I desperately needed some time together, just the 2 of us. Jordan's mom was so sweet in sending me pictures and texts to let me know everything was fine and that he had calmed down. About an hour and a half into the date, I got a little misty eyed and realized I missed the little guy. I'm so used to him being close to me all the time, either holding him, wearing him, or him just asleep in the next room.<br />
<br />
As hard as this has been, I am in love with my child. I missed him so much while we were gone. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Jordan and am so so glad that we got some time to ourselves... I don't know why it was so strange to me that I missed Jaden. All I have wanted the last few days is a break- 5-10 minutes where he didn't need me or where he wasn't crying... 45 minutes to go to the grocery store without worrying he would have a melt down... 2 hours where I could nap and there wasn't so much to be done around the house. A night out with my husband...<br />
<br />
A lot of people gave me negative experiences about having a newborn and I didn't listen to them and I'm glad I didn't. My heart in writing this isn't negative or full of regret. I just want to be real about what we're experiencing. For instance, NO ONE told me how hard nursing would be. That we might have issues latching, or about engorgement and how painful it is, what a time commitment it can be, how it feels like you're just being used as a milk hose at all hours of the day. I never even thought this would be a challenge and so far it has been tough. (but we are finally seeing the light! yay!) A lot of people told me babies sleep all the time... no one told me what to do if your baby doesn't sleep. ever. I didn't realize how overwhelmed I would feel the day my mom left to go back to Atlanta and I was left taking care of the baby on my own. I didn't know how my emotions and hormones would be in OVERDRIVE and I would be crying all the time over nothing... seriously nothing.<br />
<br />
I have been learning so much these last 3.5 weeks. I have learned that it's okay to ask for help. I have wanted to do everything on my own and not ask for anything or feel like I was burdening anyone. But really, I didn't want to admit or believe that I couldn't do everything. I was/am prideful about asking for help. I have tried to be supermom/woman for the last few weeks and it finally sunk in that I just can't do everything... and that it's okay and that people want to help. I have learned patience like I never knew before. Waking up 4 times in the middle of the night to a crying baby when you JUST got back into deep sleep, being in the middle of showering and having to get out because your baby is waking up and crying... I have learned that it's not about me when I have to choose to feed, carry, change, rock, soothe my baby when I have needs that aren't met, the house is a disaster, and I need a shower and to make myself lunch.<br />
<br />
BUT... I have also learned love like I have never known before. To be the only one that can soothe my baby... to sing to him and hear his cries and breathing change and calm, to be the one that he wants all the time, to be the one sustaining my baby's nutrition, to have such a protectiveness over someone, to hear his precious coo's and noises when he's full and content and falling asleep. I am in love with this kid. I am in love with being a mother. I am more in love with my husband watching him be a father. I have learned more about God as my Father now that I am a parent myself. I have learned that Jaden is having to learn right along with me, that we are in this together.<br />
<br />
It has been a challenge, yes. But these days are short and few. The sweet moments always outweigh the hard ones. Today- Jaden woke up at 8am and it is now 1pm and he's been asleep for 30 min after crying all morning. I have laundry all over the place, I haven't showered, and our grocery list is forever long. I finally asked for help and my mother in law is coming over in a bit so that I can go. I feel peaceful in knowing that I don't have to be perfect... that I am not failing at being a mother. Although I want to be, it's impossible and I can't hold myself to that standard. I am in a couple online mom's group with a bunch of "supermoms" and I have held myself to that standard because I thought everyone else did too... but now I believe that all of us moms (and dads) truly do the best that we can everyday. We take it minute by minute.<br />
<br />
Please don't misunderstand that I am being negative by any means... I am being honest about my experience. I would not trade it for the world. I am exhausted, but my heart is <b>FULL FULL FULL. </b>I love everything about being a mama. I know that the Lord has called me to be Jaden's mommy and so He will equip me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
**PS. I have a lot of friends who are getting ready to be new mama's. One thing I would recommend (especially if you have a history of anxiety or depression and are worried about post-partum depression) is getting your placenta encapsulated. It was the best thing I did thus far. I know it sounds gross and weird, but if you can find someone around you that does it, the benefits are unreal. It helps to balance out your crazy hormones (seriously, I noticed a HUGE difference when I forgot to take it), helps aid in milk production, gives you a little more energy... and the nutrients that are in it are amazing. They just dehydrate it and crush it into powder and put it in a capsule. If you deliver at a hospital, you'll have to be really adamant about them giving it to you. Ya'll may think I'm super crazy, but it worked for me and a lot of other mama's and I highly recommend it to everyone!<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-7317848683481780952013-02-12T14:14:00.003-08:002013-02-12T14:14:40.041-08:00announcing our PERFECT son.Jaden Christopher Gray was born on January 24th, 2013 at 11:15 am. He weighed 9 lbs, 10 oz. and was 20 inches long. He is absolute perfection. We are IN LOVE with our son and the joy that he has brought to our life already is immeasurable.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJt2nUHxZ-O6_UxaHFXYGk1JKAzyb2DNcp8pZu5chwG65_8uoSTaYDw5nwporoe7iUP27si0IYh3TBurJA1ZrO2oQQAb8Us7D7wUP8a0lyEBbVGtbaUjUT2T3U5nVu0dztq1uYgvMVIx0/s1600/603050_10151194606201968_1645583322_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJt2nUHxZ-O6_UxaHFXYGk1JKAzyb2DNcp8pZu5chwG65_8uoSTaYDw5nwporoe7iUP27si0IYh3TBurJA1ZrO2oQQAb8Us7D7wUP8a0lyEBbVGtbaUjUT2T3U5nVu0dztq1uYgvMVIx0/s400/603050_10151194606201968_1645583322_n.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhak1Qo1VoubEEJbWt6w5-1qxC6RSI2YLyXg9EYVeI2Fhcu3bk5uT_evPCiMK2F6nL6p9bnGi84IB-6nguoT1jhpACURumQLd4Pb7_hypuT5GAOCv0sD0-7ttnyyN-WOnACe965yfrI0Lg/s1600/22127_10151194606211968_843500133_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhak1Qo1VoubEEJbWt6w5-1qxC6RSI2YLyXg9EYVeI2Fhcu3bk5uT_evPCiMK2F6nL6p9bnGi84IB-6nguoT1jhpACURumQLd4Pb7_hypuT5GAOCv0sD0-7ttnyyN-WOnACe965yfrI0Lg/s400/22127_10151194606211968_843500133_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
Several people have asked me to blog my birth story with Jaden. Honestly at first I was hesitant to share it, because it is a very intimate, private thing, but also it was intense. So intense that I wasn't even sure what to make of it afterwards. It was AMAZING in every sense of the word, but intense. However, no words will ever retell accurately the intimacy and the peace that was so present in the room with Jordan and I when he was born and the presence of the Lord that was so heavy and the calmness that our midwives exuded. SO, I will share, but my words will never be able to do justice how perfect the entire day was.<br />
<br />
The Tuesday before (the 22nd), I went to my midwife appointment to find out that I was 4cm dilated. Excited, but knowing it meant NOTHING, because I had been 3cm for 3 weeks prior, I tried to get it off my mind. The Wednesday before, (the 23rd), I went about my normal daily routine. I ran errands, tried to do a lot of walking, went to the chiropractor, made dinner, went to the gym and walked a mile, and then laid down for bed with Jordan. I didn't feel anything different... I'd been having intense, consistent Braxton Hicks for weeks, but nothing had changed.<br />
<br />
I woke up about 2:15 am with really painful cramping and back aches and tried to just go back to sleep. I realized after having 3 of them that they were consistent and about 2 min apart. I decided to get up and walk around and see if they went away... they increased. Everyone always tells you that you will JUST KNOW when you're in labor, that it will feel different. I just knew. I went to the living room and read one of the books we were given at our shower called, "On the Night You Were Born," which for me, was super emotional because I knew I was about to meet my son. So then I got in the bath to see if there were any changes as well, they continued to get longer, stronger, and closer together... the things my midwife told me to look out for. I started to get REALLY excited.<br />
<br />
We called my midwife, Ann, and she wanted us to be able to labor at home as much as possible, as did we. We lived about 40 min away from the birth center, so we wanted to get there before labor got too intense because I didn't want to be laboring heavily in the car. We labored at home until about 4:15 am and then packed our bags and headed to the birth center. My contractions continued to increase. **I had solely back labor. I would not wish this on my worst enemy! Incredibly painful, especially to sit.** Once we got to the birth center, one of our midwives, Michele, checked my cervix and I was at 6cm! A little over half way there. I immediately got into the tub, as the water helped alleviate some of the pressure on my back. In between contractions I felt incredibly relaxed and excited... I was laughing and talking through my contractions. We had worship music playing and Jordan never left my side. Michele and Ally (one of the assistants) did not stay in the room with us and let us have our time to labor together. An hour or so later, Michele checked me again and I was at 8cm. already in transition! I knew I had to be in transition because I was super nauseous and even threw up. I was in serious pain at this point, but was still able to maintain some sort of relaxation in between. I didn't want to tire myself out before even pushing. Michele called Ann to head up to the birth center, as we knew that the baby would be here soon.<br />
<br />
Somewhere between an hour or 2 later, I was still at 8cm and Ann discovered I had a cervical lip. So she decided to break my water to move things along a little bit. (PS- weirdest feeling ever when your water breaks!) Once my water was broken, my contractions got increasingly more intense, as I expected they would. I started to get extremely hot in the water, so I got out and bounced on the birthing ball while Jordan applied counter pressure to my lower back (bless his heart- he did this for about 6 hours). It was starting to get harder and harder to stay ahead of my contractions and breathe through them. (I was more like yelling through them- definitely LOUD noises coming from my mouth that I have never made before). Truly, if an epidural had been available for me, I would have probably had to be convinced not to have one. It was pain like I had never known. I even remember saying, "I'm never having anymore children!"<br />
<br />
My desire was to have a water birth... so once I started feeling the need to push, I got back in the water to try and push him out. I couldn't push effectively because I felt I couldn't bear down enough. Also, with the cervical lip, it made pushing much more difficult and made things take a little bit longer. Ann suggested I get out and push on the bed so that with each contraction she could push the lip over. That was even more painful, but it was necessary. I instinctively just had to push.. I didn't even have to try at first, I just couldn't NOT push. But the frustrating thing about pushing was that I'd take 2 steps forward and then 1 step backwards.<br />
<br />
For me, pushing was the most intense, exhilarating, and most powerful thing about the entire process. Pushing took 1 hour and 45 minutes. There were times that I didn't think I could push any harder or any longer. My back labor was still so intense in between contractions that it was more of a relief to push through them than it was to try and relax in between them. I remember feeling like I wasn't making any progress and Jordan said, "BABY, I CAN SEE HIS HEAD." They handed me a mirror to look and sure enough, a teeny piece of his little head was showing. I touched his head and it was like... I gotta get this baby out. Each little push brought the head further and further down. I could feel him moving down and the pressure and pain was unreal in my back. But I just knew I could do it. I kept saying, "Lord, please help me." and my midwife was speaking prayers and blessings over us the entire time. Amidst all the messiness of labor and birth, there was such a peace that was evident. I started to feel confident that I was going to get this baby boy out and soon. I remember asking Ann how much longer and she said about 45 minutes... HA. that seemed like FOREVER.<br />
<br />
At one point, we started to make some serious progress. I was pushing like I had never pushed before and when I thought I couldn't go anymore, I kept on pushing. PS- The "Ring of Fire" is every bit of what everyone says it is ;) I could see and feel his head still... I had my husband encouraging me, my midwives cheering me on and finally, his head came out. Right before this, the midwives explained to us that when his head came out that we were going to have what was called a "silent birth." They were going to be quiet and Jordan and I were to speak so that our voices were the first that he heard when he came into the world. After his head came out, all I remember is wanting to continue to push and I kid you not, I pushed harder than I ever have in my life and probably made noises that didn't even seem human and his body SHOT out.<br />
<br />
Jordan was the first person to touch and hold the baby. Daddy got to catch his baby boy :) He picked him up and immediately placed him on my chest for skin to skin contact. We sat there and cried and kissed and just took in every moment of what had just happened. I was in shock because I was no longer in pain AT ALL. It was euphoric, truly... We laid there for a few minutes in absolute awe of our son and each other and the Lord.<br />
<br />
He laid on my chest for about 10 minutes or so and then they told me I had to deliver my placenta and was going to have to push again. Haha, you can imagine how that thought did not thrill me. a couple of pushes and out it came. They placed it in a bowl next to me so that Jaden could have all of his cord blood pumped back into his body before we cut it. I believe it was 30 min or so after birth that his cord was cut. Jordan got to do the honors. Another proud daddy moment! We also weighed him and thought he would probably be in the high 8's... you cannot imagine our faces when Jordan weighed him and he was 9 lbs, 10 oz! We were shocked!<br />
<br />
Afterwards, Jaden and I were both a mess, and we got to take an herbal bath together. It smelled SO good and it was so relaxing for both of us. He laid in there and we got to wash his hair and just take in the sight of him... I have never fell in love with someone so quickly. It was the first time I recognized how much he looked like his daddy (I am so glad! my hubs is HOT). Perfect bonding experience for us as a family.<br />
<br />
The first couple hours after I was super lightheaded. I had lost a lot of blood- Ann said most women lose about 250cc of blood and I had lost 800cc. THANKFULLY, our awesome midwives ordered IHOP for us and we were able to eat and I felt better. Other than that, I felt amazing. We were able to leave the birth center 3 hours after Jaden was born and head back to our own house. I had a ton of energy on the way home and was on a "birth high" for a couple of hours before crashing.<br />
<br />
My entire experience was amazing. I am so thankful that the Lord was faithful about our birth. I thought I would be disappointed not getting to birth in the water, but I wouldn't change anything. It was a desire of my heart to have an intervention free birth... There were a lot of people who told me horror stories about the pain and who said I was too little to have this baby naturally, but I trusted my body and I trusted the Lord. I KNEW I could do it. It was truly a supernatural experience. I have never felt so accomplished... to bring a little person into the world. I have never known the Lord's faithfulness like I do now and I have a confidence in myself and my body that I never had before.<br />
<br />
I could not have done it without my husband. He was my constant support and my team mate. He was just as much a part of the labor and birth process as I was. I have never felt more connected to someone as I did to him while we were laboring and delivering our son. Such a sweet moment for husbands and wives to share. He deserves the highest reward for all that he did for me during my pregnancy and during our birth experience.<br />
<br />
My midwives were incredible... Ann, Michele, & Ally. angels... all 3 of them.<br />
<br />
We are so blessed as parents. I would love to do this all over again, the exact same way, but not for another couple of years :) If you're pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant and would like to know more about natural birth and the experience as a whole, I'd love to talk to anyone about it. Regardless of how your labor/birth end up, it's the end result that matters- a healthy baby and mommy. I am blessed to have been able to have the birth I wanted and to have a healthy, perfect baby boy.<br />
<br />
some snapshots our AMAZING birth photographer took: <a href="http://www.keriduckett.com/">www.keriduckett.com</a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzFqcIgJi_U0J36LVGFoNlMbb4e9-tYF2s8qOdTRI06k-SD7YEcBl_N1QJ1BfqOw2XlpB-B8UyRiswp_IHOEK8SWCPu8RIuLyxmgnQ2qB6cfBdMSRVgNj-QolpPFdfL4cMaZBffjEKcg/s1600/44720_10151194605981968_438927389_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzFqcIgJi_U0J36LVGFoNlMbb4e9-tYF2s8qOdTRI06k-SD7YEcBl_N1QJ1BfqOw2XlpB-B8UyRiswp_IHOEK8SWCPu8RIuLyxmgnQ2qB6cfBdMSRVgNj-QolpPFdfL4cMaZBffjEKcg/s400/44720_10151194605981968_438927389_n.jpg" width="264" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwmwp5C-9ofjFiPp740EK-zlW2bmhPNFigld3s1lE1RD2ML01dy_1Sji5zgoA3eXT65akjFuj7DRYhDrOxR7PXnT9QT-3uP_Q3i4eF1Egy8cS5LgEnTCeQm8Z8iR-6yuP5cE-S7a3PxJE/s1600/555460_10151194605936968_362939161_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwmwp5C-9ofjFiPp740EK-zlW2bmhPNFigld3s1lE1RD2ML01dy_1Sji5zgoA3eXT65akjFuj7DRYhDrOxR7PXnT9QT-3uP_Q3i4eF1Egy8cS5LgEnTCeQm8Z8iR-6yuP5cE-S7a3PxJE/s400/555460_10151194605936968_362939161_n.jpg" width="264" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFmIQizY4CfkioeccGtO07r1OBNX0mXL3p2Wi6Z8favXXkulhyphenhyphenin-b6Ihmw6Fob8VLkOLy0g31IG0EIiGtpYZUnPMVi6lNPuzwYkkvN3iW3_m2s4U_d2ksEBF_MrO07QBX6Xnp1kU7MSQ/s1600/321419_10151194605961968_567134950_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFmIQizY4CfkioeccGtO07r1OBNX0mXL3p2Wi6Z8favXXkulhyphenhyphenin-b6Ihmw6Fob8VLkOLy0g31IG0EIiGtpYZUnPMVi6lNPuzwYkkvN3iW3_m2s4U_d2ksEBF_MrO07QBX6Xnp1kU7MSQ/s400/321419_10151194605961968_567134950_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhejmr-liu42cCSw-F4Tt8lspVxjtsvIshPkg9By7UA3yaURUBwFI8x-FdIUkunyCN1eXyxqq1f22S6n4CFIRgiy8sH-tk1fjN8X8Yan_YEU9ORgFoQBIAT5IVFU4QHbPs53PW4_wIskEI/s1600/24460_10151194606091968_1693359333_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhejmr-liu42cCSw-F4Tt8lspVxjtsvIshPkg9By7UA3yaURUBwFI8x-FdIUkunyCN1eXyxqq1f22S6n4CFIRgiy8sH-tk1fjN8X8Yan_YEU9ORgFoQBIAT5IVFU4QHbPs53PW4_wIskEI/s400/24460_10151194606091968_1693359333_n.jpg" width="264" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-52375062211286360632013-01-09T08:50:00.002-08:002013-01-09T08:50:19.882-08:00moving on to a new year.WOW. What a year. Like many of you, I posted on Facebook on New Years Day a very short list of some of the major events that have happened in 2012. Jordan and I both feel like 2011 & 2012 have been years of intense happenings and transitions for us. We met in January of 2011, so we have come to see a lot of old things pass and a lot of new things begin. This year though, was by far the most eventful, the most challenging, and the most fruitful. I'm going to try and recap some of those major moments :)<br />
<br />
<b>Some happenings this year:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<ul>
<li>I spent the first few months planning our wedding... which was entirely too stressful to do from TX. I had an awesome wedding planner and very involved mother who made it a little easier, thank God!</li>
<li>I traveled with my girl friends down to Destin, FL for my bachelorette trip! It was probably one of the most fun weekends of my life. to have most of my best friends in one place was just heaven. I'll never forget it.</li>
<li>we welcomed one of my most beloved treasures into the world... our niece, Ella Juliet, was born. I was <b>devastated </b>because we were in GA when she was born... our flight left the day after. I couldn't stand the fact that I missed the birth and her first few moments of life. But to hold her the second we got back to Texas... I can't explain it. She was then and still is what I call my "angel baby." I'm enamored by her and she has me whipped already!</li>
<li>The stress of wedding planning was out of control as it was literally happening in a few days & you know that phrase "when it rains it pours..." yes. My dad and stepmom were expecting twins, but they weren't to be born until the end of July/beginning of August. the week of our wedding, my stepmom's water broke with one of the twins, causing both of them to have to be delivered. We were all worried for the twins because they were born at 29 weeks, and also worried about my stepmom. My dad had a lot on his plate preparing to give his oldest away, his wife had just undergone major surgery and was recovering, and he had 2 twin babies in the NICU. But WHAT LITTLE BLESSINGS those babies are. Jefferson Pierce "JP" & Maura Cate were born and I don't think any of us knew just how much they would bring into our lives right from the start. The two sweetest, most cuddly babies in the world who are constantly smiling and laughing. They brought out a side of my daddy that I hadn't seen in a long time. They softened a part of my heart as well. They are perfect and we are blessed.</li>
<li>late Spring also brought the wedding, obviously! Hands down the most perfect day in the whole world. All the days being Jordan's wife have been the most joy-filled, happiest, most humbling days of my life thus far. Marriage is a far greater blessing than I ever imagined it could be. It was a day full of love, the Lord's blessings, dancing, eating, and drinking with friends and family, and HUMIDITY. but it could not have been a better day</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>we found out that we were expecting a third member of our family. What a day that was. so many emotions were felt. I think of that time as a time of extreme highs and lows. I was terrified. Obviously all of that has changed. I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and getting ready to welcome this boy into my arms with his daddy by my side. We are not afraid, but antsy to see his sweet face.</li>
<li>JP & Jennifer (Jordan's brother and his wife) moved with Jackson & Ella to a new city about 3 hours away. They were gone when we came back from our honeymoon. It was a really hard transition for all of us to get used to them being gone & for them to settle into a new place. They are our closest friends in TX & so we missed them so much. it was a little bit of a shock to ease into a season of them being gone.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The remaining half of the year has been really focused on the pregnancy & balancing this with being newlyweds. I was very sick until about 15 weeks. (I found out when I was 2 weeks along... that's a long time to be sick!). I have been put on bed rest I think 4 times now due to some pregnancy complications. My roles as a wife have been challenged and I had to put my pride aside and let Jordan help me out in some of my "wifely duties," things that I love doing for my husband but that he would instead be selfless enough to do for us. Jordan is such a trooper... such a good man. He has been patient and servant hearted through these last several months. I have been super unpleasant some days and he has never gotten frustrated with me. So I have been focusing on keeping myself and this baby healthy, making it to the end of the pregnancy, and soaking up all my one-on-one time with my husband.</li>
<li>due to bed rest, I had to quit my job. It was a really hard and drastic transition. We went from having 2 incomes to only having 1. with a baby on the way? that was extremely difficult. thankfully- my hubby is the king of budgeting and saving money (I am the exact opposite), so we have made it work and found ourselves extremely blessed. we have not gone without and neither has the baby. It was also hard to spend what I wasn't contributing. I had some pride issues with that that I had to get over. not to mention, I was absolutely bored to death at home and haven't NOT worked since I was about 13.</li>
<li>we went home to Atlanta for Thanksgiving. I had my first baby shower with all my besties and some people I hadn't seen in a long time. It was perfect and we were showered with so much encouragement, gifts, and just LIFE from the people who are so dear to my heart. We also went to Savannah to see my family for Thanksgiving, which is always fun. </li>
<li>At the end of the year, we have kind of taken it easy. We've been rearranging our apartment to make room for baby things. I have been on a cleaning FRENZY trying to make sure the apartment is spotless all the time. <b>(my oh my how marriage has changed things for this previously DISASTER of a woman). </b>we have started our house hunting in order to be able to move sometime in the early spring. I had my first Christmas away from home! We spent Christmas in TX this year with Jordan's family. It was awesome... very different from how my family does things, but still wonderful and joyful. New Years Eve we had a very low key night with my in-law's house church... my husband was prayed over and blessed by the men in the church. All of the women laid hands on me and my belly and prayed blessings over our family, our birth, and our baby. We left 2012 behind with a lot of peace in our hearts.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This was a year of challenges, no doubt. So many blessings, but challenges as well. I am thankful for every single bit.<br />
<br />
2013 is going to be an amazing year, we just know it. We're welcoming our baby boy, *fingers crossed* hopefully buying our first house, we have lots of trips planned for friends who are getting married, and lots of precious people from GA are coming to visit us! I think it is a year of new beginnings, new challenges, new seasons... it has already proven to be that way and we are only 9 days in.<br />
<br />
I'm not one to make "resolutions," partially because I haven't been disciplined enough to keep them in the past and partially because I thought they were pointless and I would probably fail anyway. BUT, this year I made individual "Goals." There are things I want to strive for... they aren't like "lose weight" and "take x amount of trips" or "only going out dancing 2x a week." hahaha. like they used to be. those things just aren't relevant to my life anymore. So I made a list of goals and also dreams for 2013. more about the kind of woman I want to be. I really want to be intentional this year. Part of that has to do with my roles of being a wife and a mom, I feel more responsibility and more motivation.<br />
<br />
As we slowly come into this new year, I am already overwhelmed with how many changes will be taking place. I have prayed for months for the Lord to prepare me as a mother. I can read as many books as I want, ask my midwife as many questions as I want, get as much advice from other mother's as I want... but in the end, this is our baby. I feel kind of like I did when I was leaving for YWAM- How do you prepare for something for which you have no idea what to expect?<br />
<br />
I feel like the Lord has been tugging away at my pride during this pregnancy. I have never felt more physically unattractive in my life- but I just move on and refuse to dwell on it or let it steal the joy from my day. I won't have many days to feel all that lovely right after the baby is born anyway. But I know with a newborn in my arms, all of the rest will fade into the background. Pregnancy prepares moms to step out of the spotlight and put their children's needs above their own. I wrestle with selfishness... as a wife, a mom, a friend, a daughter... sometimes it's hard not to think about what is most beneficial for you. Being pregnant has been anything but a time of being able to be selfish. There are a lot of days where I eat too much ice cream (so kill me) or don't drink enough water or where I haven't taken care of my body like I should. There are days I get impatient and angry and irritated that this whole process takes so daggum long. There are my really selfish days where I wanted him to come out WAY too early because I wanted to meet him so badly, even though he would have been highly premature.<br />
<br />
My midwife really puts things in perspective for me when I see her... she is a very spirit-led, very sensitive, prayer warrior, & Godly woman and I absolutely love her. At my appt yesterday, as I was feeling really uncomfortable and huge, and so ready to just be done with this whole thing... she gently reminds me what a blessing it is to have made it this far in my pregnancy. how some women try forever to be in my position and either can't have babies or can't carry them to term. women who would be thankful... instead, I was complaining. she reminds me how the longer the baby is in there, the more developed and ready they are to enter this world. she reminds me that I will miss this time of being pregnant. that when I get into my fleshly mindset that I should take time to really get myself back into my spirit mindset. you know what? she prayed grace over me, followed by "in Jesus's name." I left feeling more at peace than I have in a long time and so thankful that she is the woman delivering my baby. She was absolutely right in everything that she said... so today I woke up with a new reassurance and a new peace. even though my back pain is through the roofs this morning ;)<br />
<br />
so after all that and going off on a tangent, I say all this to reiterate that I think 2013 is going to be an amazing year. I am so excited for what's to come. I am hopeful, I am grateful, and we are blessed.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year, dear friends. </div>
<br />
<br />
**I leave you with pictures from this past year**<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uiWwvoBJ9S52XonEMBARskcGBWI9Yh62NlzJfBZJIOuQu-SQQOmeBhihUBPEusss3nAWDWNgbk_n4IfKpm10kpAp0C7pkJndwrXz-g4nR9mD9upa0HmOftl693YZEGm_Q1z73-S43B4/s1600/mjnewyork.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uiWwvoBJ9S52XonEMBARskcGBWI9Yh62NlzJfBZJIOuQu-SQQOmeBhihUBPEusss3nAWDWNgbk_n4IfKpm10kpAp0C7pkJndwrXz-g4nR9mD9upa0HmOftl693YZEGm_Q1z73-S43B4/s320/mjnewyork.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsg_TwT8xftaehvXby62d_wLvaQKq7kpn8d7KG90evIbhVnlqKbyUQnm__JLdvWoAv5KWz_u8dP5o3B5sZn89rxS6HuQEvqLBb-BtI-OwNWBrWW2DZ5A5NdBQZGTixC3BBjgmtlYColrA/s1600/P1030176.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsg_TwT8xftaehvXby62d_wLvaQKq7kpn8d7KG90evIbhVnlqKbyUQnm__JLdvWoAv5KWz_u8dP5o3B5sZn89rxS6HuQEvqLBb-BtI-OwNWBrWW2DZ5A5NdBQZGTixC3BBjgmtlYColrA/s320/P1030176.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Jordan's first NYC trip! we had SO much fun. one of our most memorable times together!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEe6L04sPF4yOq5r6htPLDeqZarEoKlKGQpMRYX78-EMUxe9lg_UaR23s7XRpyQzxJIKWffYhTHQ-5vDVJQdRCn9yTd9sfi5I6j8PrPWBeplontAa7A45_NAirC1h_viyX79fGE7rpZbI/s1600/P1030217.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEe6L04sPF4yOq5r6htPLDeqZarEoKlKGQpMRYX78-EMUxe9lg_UaR23s7XRpyQzxJIKWffYhTHQ-5vDVJQdRCn9yTd9sfi5I6j8PrPWBeplontAa7A45_NAirC1h_viyX79fGE7rpZbI/s320/P1030217.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Our friends threw us a "stock the bar" engagement party. we had to buy a bar cart just to hold it all!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigUQDNmW9n3ODPdz4f2538Zezl5Mk7GILBT__SqewFYLdv0dcfKXBLZ2VN-L4oTXdlHvOUYJlef7jSAKIZdW4OYj3sheSyG96A0s-edkREPdt6Zsbr1gIG8oaqNiZqbWAjDj2xEgeleyE/s1600/bachelorette.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigUQDNmW9n3ODPdz4f2538Zezl5Mk7GILBT__SqewFYLdv0dcfKXBLZ2VN-L4oTXdlHvOUYJlef7jSAKIZdW4OYj3sheSyG96A0s-edkREPdt6Zsbr1gIG8oaqNiZqbWAjDj2xEgeleyE/s320/bachelorette.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSFs1KliX-jPeDHaKUV87fwZ9nVwbnChhGGtiqe7rf9k7lWTvozbvC1T9tunwJNnQypNzyAWmEwCi2FF8cFk2hJDjz73l-aF9UiaBdxJOZU_eWvCrV_JIlrV6UNpENJBO18PxvROgOZlY/s1600/hayezmalcarly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSFs1KliX-jPeDHaKUV87fwZ9nVwbnChhGGtiqe7rf9k7lWTvozbvC1T9tunwJNnQypNzyAWmEwCi2FF8cFk2hJDjz73l-aF9UiaBdxJOZU_eWvCrV_JIlrV6UNpENJBO18PxvROgOZlY/s320/hayezmalcarly.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
My Bachelorette Trip to FL with 10 of my girlfriends. SO MUCH FUN.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqU_dbXp-02aoUcQn1KaMS-_WXOt-rUWpEFjV2yq2cTz8bWlQC-VS0aw0YLDnDxk2i_dJWlEMDh5hQDMacxpPHlNE8tkCrvE5aq0c1t8RHaDfi-cdaeNaSiCwCdi-_obp0KBqPtGhmgyg/s1600/holdingella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqU_dbXp-02aoUcQn1KaMS-_WXOt-rUWpEFjV2yq2cTz8bWlQC-VS0aw0YLDnDxk2i_dJWlEMDh5hQDMacxpPHlNE8tkCrvE5aq0c1t8RHaDfi-cdaeNaSiCwCdi-_obp0KBqPtGhmgyg/s320/holdingella.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Baby Ella, my niece, the first time I met her.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4VW1y4li8vw20H6mG_9QPu7mOH08wk7FUm-yoHZLiQwZOyQhopLJK2aHXWqnHbd64JG50I07bfSKgXofu1SvCAF_6nID0QoBx52TTbgpTUf0SWYUX-7Cpyy_teaRJny56pKHUsct7t-w/s1600/chello.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4VW1y4li8vw20H6mG_9QPu7mOH08wk7FUm-yoHZLiQwZOyQhopLJK2aHXWqnHbd64JG50I07bfSKgXofu1SvCAF_6nID0QoBx52TTbgpTUf0SWYUX-7Cpyy_teaRJny56pKHUsct7t-w/s320/chello.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
One of our bff's from YWAM, Chello, came to visit us from ENGLAND a couple weeks before our wedding!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIuexPIgHBnEj52J9JAx6L2w0qRfT4YWfcw1o6KPvjCihEY8ejgPEx1H0SoNhOhpFK9rPLNliLKbo6l3Nh8owLK8cDH2qdivzTF0q_CMoQpm7hpkC1K0A7uJjUN0WBtF7OVmo8kOrRI_Y/s1600/jpmorgan.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIuexPIgHBnEj52J9JAx6L2w0qRfT4YWfcw1o6KPvjCihEY8ejgPEx1H0SoNhOhpFK9rPLNliLKbo6l3Nh8owLK8cDH2qdivzTF0q_CMoQpm7hpkC1K0A7uJjUN0WBtF7OVmo8kOrRI_Y/s320/jpmorgan.JPG" width="238" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9su2uBilntPcvlmW-AKrTuiBBPcRxcCbXsIcm49lEMo1tvghtSWFsXG0d0XHjzFY0DqZjHyk2hFkFAUlDEkmj6kA-OFwBl7T7MkT3aJzuIWytOR2iE7UaTLH3RTMbPVGcTwTLbu4Xzdw/s1600/mc.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9su2uBilntPcvlmW-AKrTuiBBPcRxcCbXsIcm49lEMo1tvghtSWFsXG0d0XHjzFY0DqZjHyk2hFkFAUlDEkmj6kA-OFwBl7T7MkT3aJzuIWytOR2iE7UaTLH3RTMbPVGcTwTLbu4Xzdw/s320/mc.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My baby siblings, JP & Maura Cate were born... precious little muffins.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnLOIcbjpAdNAh-eMqkYPa1ANs4UQMZfYExz8bxe7NO8gTzDzN00yyzhVQVtUDdzr8uV0to_ukv6lEVrcRsfKK0qjVLhxfPceEgOdu5B1xaGdsFNu0r0UfLChidM8VJHvOCziLMUIMKzc/s1600/firstdance.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnLOIcbjpAdNAh-eMqkYPa1ANs4UQMZfYExz8bxe7NO8gTzDzN00yyzhVQVtUDdzr8uV0to_ukv6lEVrcRsfKK0qjVLhxfPceEgOdu5B1xaGdsFNu0r0UfLChidM8VJHvOCziLMUIMKzc/s320/firstdance.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Our first dance as husband and wife :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglV7G1UP56_Ws58HuMTS3D42Cb4JIIufnoKqK9wqLO2oy_t4RmWxGIhu42zrlt6WL4FH-3sD7TckxHmPaVkHpizGqfu6gBgGrnoCdpzRPwq0AtPROxe6AEFuDtJlN56Xits7kpxb5VGI4/s1600/MalloreeJordan_w_Love029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglV7G1UP56_Ws58HuMTS3D42Cb4JIIufnoKqK9wqLO2oy_t4RmWxGIhu42zrlt6WL4FH-3sD7TckxHmPaVkHpizGqfu6gBgGrnoCdpzRPwq0AtPROxe6AEFuDtJlN56Xits7kpxb5VGI4/s320/MalloreeJordan_w_Love029.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
how handsome is my husband? so hot.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQcUrg_ioFZpAXKhE5IjYA8hUgL7e_qBxJC9yGufdrhdILc-xVN7Fs365X_UEkLqw5YDp4iFpqta7tcEhyphenhyphenESp5iJlUe7vN111ao1_WWFlpy6z76LnoqBbWf9p1tsdehaQwNCy7sEkxeJc/s1600/MalloreeJordan_w_Love165.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQcUrg_ioFZpAXKhE5IjYA8hUgL7e_qBxJC9yGufdrhdILc-xVN7Fs365X_UEkLqw5YDp4iFpqta7tcEhyphenhyphenESp5iJlUe7vN111ao1_WWFlpy6z76LnoqBbWf9p1tsdehaQwNCy7sEkxeJc/s320/MalloreeJordan_w_Love165.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdhSJhDHusIhzn6sGkgk6_yDDoty07Be5cJcHY5fl0LzMErYM7-FUbXM6A2wMESkbmGsAuAH6FjK77Y-X9BoDxLqttJ_w-aewe36yyXQopR1Gd4i5z_aAoT1-bipVJ3HLEXcjzF1tjtwQ/s1600/MalloreeJordan_w_Love361.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdhSJhDHusIhzn6sGkgk6_yDDoty07Be5cJcHY5fl0LzMErYM7-FUbXM6A2wMESkbmGsAuAH6FjK77Y-X9BoDxLqttJ_w-aewe36yyXQopR1Gd4i5z_aAoT1-bipVJ3HLEXcjzF1tjtwQ/s320/MalloreeJordan_w_Love361.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
my MOH's: carly, holly, and lark</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidupouXtW7KVdZh7Vx2Idm3Aq8V1b8CGLUTJgxhIgePnRiFjyb-gKXZ-GGVrH-59TKMRcLgPWwgaGe8R1BcwLVDKxmX5aGzo38AMp_RQHyHy3x5DCrKCGceC58PXbpV-wRsA3kLVSLQkc/s1600/MalloreeJordan_w_Love489.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidupouXtW7KVdZh7Vx2Idm3Aq8V1b8CGLUTJgxhIgePnRiFjyb-gKXZ-GGVrH-59TKMRcLgPWwgaGe8R1BcwLVDKxmX5aGzo38AMp_RQHyHy3x5DCrKCGceC58PXbpV-wRsA3kLVSLQkc/s320/MalloreeJordan_w_Love489.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Our reception was AMAZING. Danced all night!!</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpOWPGtg_0P1mJQpr7AgzGyt2fgUZ-zXObCkvKtU0NbGcqikFD3wgObaibNfJALCmpLE13qLIALhXnULmvjhaGn0fnj9zPPYuNkoivcnCboIoFn308J7-Pm7Mzps4Nu-HK2dWmIzl2mQA/s1600/P1030509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpOWPGtg_0P1mJQpr7AgzGyt2fgUZ-zXObCkvKtU0NbGcqikFD3wgObaibNfJALCmpLE13qLIALhXnULmvjhaGn0fnj9zPPYuNkoivcnCboIoFn308J7-Pm7Mzps4Nu-HK2dWmIzl2mQA/s320/P1030509.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIpUnsgkBl1EZ3rtY7R-FC3Kog3JqPhGCDGvEEvMelarey-XU17fOg4OWkbVYCXHmEuQxA8IY_GvQR0NrY45y5UKImNrXvVZ-sd6KukJQQ28aV-v-YsAF8OqVJa37fvQi8w3v_cujNGqc/s1600/P1030513.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIpUnsgkBl1EZ3rtY7R-FC3Kog3JqPhGCDGvEEvMelarey-XU17fOg4OWkbVYCXHmEuQxA8IY_GvQR0NrY45y5UKImNrXvVZ-sd6KukJQQ28aV-v-YsAF8OqVJa37fvQi8w3v_cujNGqc/s320/P1030513.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Honeymooners! We went to Jamaica and had a BLAST.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH9HtGjEZv6xo-9OzVxIhkhlEQZvyRMKEzeikgSKxt8THuemh_sc0G2ZL4Dy9RFXGP9b8NGyu_XjjV4VfFLVQDgghHlRgq1bUN3-MeleRoRPy08NYuqqYOPeAtaaczbRoN22QlwpyeJtw/s1600/nola.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH9HtGjEZv6xo-9OzVxIhkhlEQZvyRMKEzeikgSKxt8THuemh_sc0G2ZL4Dy9RFXGP9b8NGyu_XjjV4VfFLVQDgghHlRgq1bUN3-MeleRoRPy08NYuqqYOPeAtaaczbRoN22QlwpyeJtw/s320/nola.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
we went to New Orleans right after our wedding for another friend's wedding. I'd never been! Thats the Mississippi River</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9dUw_xm4af7XylBIsx21A09zGE1w_4Wb4oKm8VNcVAaoNEVaEYilugtQcCs9tqk4r9RQczqisiZJvTc6rxbiLuX4hLVHFKjikVaw56z8WhlYfHCJ8NxXyCpzWzmrO2XudiulHQA5p5CE/s1600/baby.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9dUw_xm4af7XylBIsx21A09zGE1w_4Wb4oKm8VNcVAaoNEVaEYilugtQcCs9tqk4r9RQczqisiZJvTc6rxbiLuX4hLVHFKjikVaw56z8WhlYfHCJ8NxXyCpzWzmrO2XudiulHQA5p5CE/s320/baby.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
yay!! (progression of the bump on earlier posts)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9h3hiKtHig77M0WGjXZySm8N0ynxNgNDLWjJXMmLruW32STD1XUyCu4uEVtZMuU4A2fee6TO1Wy6mJjaDx6SYhhol0knRxqXGFFNX8imAqrUaYgmeoVO5HSCYwHl71urvglNJ_ZCo52Y/s1600/boy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9h3hiKtHig77M0WGjXZySm8N0ynxNgNDLWjJXMmLruW32STD1XUyCu4uEVtZMuU4A2fee6TO1Wy6mJjaDx6SYhhol0knRxqXGFFNX8imAqrUaYgmeoVO5HSCYwHl71urvglNJ_ZCo52Y/s320/boy.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
so excited to meet our little man (excuse horrible photo)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV2KN_0_GEDJlW6Yy4cGeSx6koyi1ay_Ybp6flQz5EQhEbicegaymdD63CFluDC2ZwM_22N9XVEPUak6FzKCjreEc6LwTZ50ySxzV7cHNwz_UAglhYUvCf3lvuP65Ft40issRVvQ0BvYY/s1600/larkshower.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV2KN_0_GEDJlW6Yy4cGeSx6koyi1ay_Ybp6flQz5EQhEbicegaymdD63CFluDC2ZwM_22N9XVEPUak6FzKCjreEc6LwTZ50ySxzV7cHNwz_UAglhYUvCf3lvuP65Ft40issRVvQ0BvYY/s320/larkshower.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFlu46jl9wwVKWFGfa0YsN1BHPonY7HJ554a9dEEqBisLVIcztmbtTmP0OSC3QRMRzdvdROMHhupAuvL4RMrWNLG55gx3jo6yeLyUTfxU48JxEVogPkZxHo8v_iPkx5xaepRoyzDa10A0/s1600/hayezmalcarlyshower.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFlu46jl9wwVKWFGfa0YsN1BHPonY7HJ554a9dEEqBisLVIcztmbtTmP0OSC3QRMRzdvdROMHhupAuvL4RMrWNLG55gx3jo6yeLyUTfxU48JxEVogPkZxHo8v_iPkx5xaepRoyzDa10A0/s320/hayezmalcarlyshower.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3aOIdwFbchPLd7fSIQSGajx_TVWLJyhHWGjZuKzGmesUFlRfhilMVTCf6Q2nigJQoKZ2mqW_43tWD64YRGa0IcHJ2vySrkjjqTtMk0bHWaSFsVTm1tEDq-byEfg6kLTluBuCgHRB6kTE/s1600/holzlark.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3aOIdwFbchPLd7fSIQSGajx_TVWLJyhHWGjZuKzGmesUFlRfhilMVTCf6Q2nigJQoKZ2mqW_43tWD64YRGa0IcHJ2vySrkjjqTtMk0bHWaSFsVTm1tEDq-byEfg6kLTluBuCgHRB6kTE/s320/holzlark.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6r5vssvfM9sd1KPDbFiCn6r82_Dh-sLkFu8tuttKe8mFTNxHjEJwOxLlpkmLKNegA524_4E0-PlUXk38aZCBX_mGxWjq8LkKetJTRSs1-Uamp80hYHqhEtUj4BITvHyVj2-9YzkucOA/s1600/shower.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6r5vssvfM9sd1KPDbFiCn6r82_Dh-sLkFu8tuttKe8mFTNxHjEJwOxLlpkmLKNegA524_4E0-PlUXk38aZCBX_mGxWjq8LkKetJTRSs1-Uamp80hYHqhEtUj4BITvHyVj2-9YzkucOA/s320/shower.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My besties and my mama threw me an amazing baby shower back around Thanksgiving! so blessed.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6gNfGXIkJqyu3e65-09B3XXnjyVzWqkVja2xnGuEhrSPNiK1n3_BVvDfoyZKBdP6WURY3wINRsf60DOeZaJDZgaL4Lyi6KaYTec51XccsLkMuZ0J-Eak1Kp4oPvzeifi7SggmXf0DT_k/s1600/graywomen.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6gNfGXIkJqyu3e65-09B3XXnjyVzWqkVja2xnGuEhrSPNiK1n3_BVvDfoyZKBdP6WURY3wINRsf60DOeZaJDZgaL4Lyi6KaYTec51XccsLkMuZ0J-Eak1Kp4oPvzeifi7SggmXf0DT_k/s320/graywomen.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG2reX9sBeDPIghEtcdnBrXgPDjISlBUnQngW8ypupLhPfK2uKcl5W8Ro9D37IVFduGIiIfihYe2ZujkyqcsCEjw6K1x0XMTGCdqnwUbNwxk63XqKYbm7_OH7CTWI30-i6AO5Xbxb0NGQ/s1600/hubschristmasplay.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG2reX9sBeDPIghEtcdnBrXgPDjISlBUnQngW8ypupLhPfK2uKcl5W8Ro9D37IVFduGIiIfihYe2ZujkyqcsCEjw6K1x0XMTGCdqnwUbNwxk63XqKYbm7_OH7CTWI30-i6AO5Xbxb0NGQ/s320/hubschristmasplay.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Christmas fun with the Gray's! up top: my sister Jenn, my MIL Janet, & my sister Shannon</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsapEDFVtz4r0fKHu6sbPSPyPDl3XKtMGHDP-_Cxs_DYCCxMWmr3ZBXlogiAuNVR1fwKFiTznwYA9RDncnwmiBvZkx0nkJ9U55a-frYBqjocUFB5G68KHZ52x5Z3OeuuWuTRb8B8RuuA/s1600/christmastree.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsapEDFVtz4r0fKHu6sbPSPyPDl3XKtMGHDP-_Cxs_DYCCxMWmr3ZBXlogiAuNVR1fwKFiTznwYA9RDncnwmiBvZkx0nkJ9U55a-frYBqjocUFB5G68KHZ52x5Z3OeuuWuTRb8B8RuuA/s320/christmastree.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
our first married Christmas tree! Tree was too tall for the picture.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg68HipG_xZyREA57sUJGVPeoT55yjsdSxgUDSDlGNQzk-xLueGn3bOXmE3gMs_D0HKzV19o_piTfgYatgHGqthI37MswgXVicD-ckyzxlAssGITWxreiQdatBwaQhA_S9aWLqRCdSSA9g/s1600/mp32.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg68HipG_xZyREA57sUJGVPeoT55yjsdSxgUDSDlGNQzk-xLueGn3bOXmE3gMs_D0HKzV19o_piTfgYatgHGqthI37MswgXVicD-ckyzxlAssGITWxreiQdatBwaQhA_S9aWLqRCdSSA9g/s320/mp32.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS1_V5REHbOwMuZKQy2FF8fYdr51BSCFBG-UDfnO-gbXkBnBSHCWO73FBYu4BPC4v-gKt2yJdFo10vaMitBXjLk5w_IxuM7hzleWbLRzif_rXWWd-z35iLXzwglc4tYJBAYqFC0JrwKaU/s1600/mp29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS1_V5REHbOwMuZKQy2FF8fYdr51BSCFBG-UDfnO-gbXkBnBSHCWO73FBYu4BPC4v-gKt2yJdFo10vaMitBXjLk5w_IxuM7hzleWbLRzif_rXWWd-z35iLXzwglc4tYJBAYqFC0JrwKaU/s320/mp29.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHTFbpYDfb_gMQvrLrw-2vx5jBSGc_MzxBJzEOCVjki5qZ9TnkeU8siIlxNR5iQ2our0aP-mYStcmm5zenDd0Ztr0oHlMShJYMsqL8Z7gHerl9ZBYRJ6p8a2WZd13-bCSI8VCqYDT4whs/s1600/mp10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHTFbpYDfb_gMQvrLrw-2vx5jBSGc_MzxBJzEOCVjki5qZ9TnkeU8siIlxNR5iQ2our0aP-mYStcmm5zenDd0Ztr0oHlMShJYMsqL8Z7gHerl9ZBYRJ6p8a2WZd13-bCSI8VCqYDT4whs/s320/mp10.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh41ozo3I0sOLO_pZRVJQCLOxt-Wm076W_66J6PhXFojo4Z4O51JaJ6yYvtO1ifD15uieLukKiQM8HF5Vz36Wcc-jEDsuxVY4jS_0zsTuLzT8HfC_Q7qTtjnHLVj7Fhnn4abte7XZDSVp0/s1600/mp17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh41ozo3I0sOLO_pZRVJQCLOxt-Wm076W_66J6PhXFojo4Z4O51JaJ6yYvtO1ifD15uieLukKiQM8HF5Vz36Wcc-jEDsuxVY4jS_0zsTuLzT8HfC_Q7qTtjnHLVj7Fhnn4abte7XZDSVp0/s320/mp17.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
maternity shots! taken by Tara at sugarmaple photography</div>
<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-71246150591160921812012-12-04T10:53:00.001-08:002012-12-04T10:54:41.875-08:00preggo post.just a quick post to update "The Bump" and the pregnancy and where Jordan and I are currently.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>the baby is doing great. he is low and he is 'big', so you can imagine how mama is walking these days :)</li>
<li>weight gain is at about 20 lbs. That's what it was last week, haven't weighed this week, but I didn't gain but one lb over Thanksgiving :) so for that I was grateful.</li>
<li>it is HOT in Texas still. we're in the high 70's as of today but we had a high of 86 on Monday and 81 yesterday. I was hoping to love being pregnant in the fall, but I'm pretty sure we're going to skip it altogether. waiting to wear all my cute maternity clothes still :)</li>
<li>we're in our birth class with several other couples. we're LOVING it. we were all cracking up last week because we were talking about breast-feeding and the guys were asking ALL the questions. so adorable. love hearing what's on their minds</li>
<li>I'm in the nesting phase. After our shower, we've been able to set a lot of baby Gray's stuff up, wash a lot of the clothes, use the gift cards to get the essentials and dreaming about the nursery that he will have come March/April</li>
<li>we are still in our one bedroom apartment. as soon as we can buy something, we're going to. We are going to start looking in January and can't wait to find our first house! Baby Gray will spend his first month or so in this apartment.</li>
<li>A lot of the symptoms of pregnancy have worn off, but have come with a new set of challenges. some of the nausea is back (very sporadic). but the back pain is probably the worst. seeing the chiropractor and some great homeopathics have given me lots of relief, but I feel most of the pain in my lower and middle back.</li>
<li>started the Braxton Hicks! is it weird I got excited with the first one? I didn't really know that's what it was and sometimes at the midwife appt, she says, "you're having a braxton-hicks," and I have no idea. I have them very rarely (to my knowledge), but because my stomach is literally SO TIGHT (he has no room and I did not have a tight stomach before this, so this is not a boost to my ego) I have a hard time judging the extra tightness with the BH. I know when the painful ones come that there will be no mistaking them :)</li>
<li>discomfort. walking, moving, sleeping, sitting, standing... pretty hard to get a comfy position with extra weight and an extra human attached to ya.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am loving every minute. People keep asking me if I'm ready to be done or if it's been what I thought. Here's how I feel- as far as it being what I thought, I didn't really have any expectations since I wasn't ready or prepared to be pregnant, so it's all new to me. I text our midwife every week wondering if something is "normal," haha so I will be happy when we have our next one and I'm not such a newb! Yes, I am ready to be done. but not because I hate being pregnant, but just because I'm ready to meet my son! I know a lot of women pregnant right now... 3 of their babies have come this week and it's just Wednesday! and they're all boys! and a lot of friends due in the next month and some even before Christmas. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I'm just ready to see him and hold him and love him. (not to mention, I'd love to be able to wear my jeans again, hehe). but I'd do the whole thing over again. just wish pregnancy wasn't a loooong 42 weeks. guess that's the Lord's way of teaching us patience with our kiddos before they even enter the world.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
be encouraged, little mama's. (and hubbies).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg06vxuC1ACyckXvwdn_NCFLzdbGthpEAxc_xXsJLv7G3lnUFOy_8Vy7AKX9lbxP5_KE3RuDPC78FnLF0-QkFtKNQCN2HHrN3SDr_k0TFnOrTfNw6IqMMve8MpQPW8lz6jHh7t5VBK8agA/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg06vxuC1ACyckXvwdn_NCFLzdbGthpEAxc_xXsJLv7G3lnUFOy_8Vy7AKX9lbxP5_KE3RuDPC78FnLF0-QkFtKNQCN2HHrN3SDr_k0TFnOrTfNw6IqMMve8MpQPW8lz6jHh7t5VBK8agA/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the bump this past weekend.</div>
Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-76779990007082751062012-12-04T10:34:00.003-08:002012-12-04T10:34:27.051-08:00community.Last summer, I packed all my clothes into my Honda Accord and my man flew in at met me in GA. We drove to TX and I officially moved there. I had my mom sell all my furniture for me and I was gone. I left my community, my familiarity, my home. Except at the time, it didn't feel like home anymore. Part of that was because Australia still felt like home. The other part of that was that I knew at that point that I was going to marry Jordan one day, and I knew wherever he was... that was going to be my home. He was my home.<br />
<br />
I transferred my pre-Australia job to another location here in TX. That was an easy transition and for that I was so thankful. I began working full-time about 2 weeks after moving. Working kept me busy and it also kept any sort of emotions away that I was having. We also went back to Atlanta about a month after I moved for one of my best friend's wedding, so I hadn't been gone too long enough to really "miss" anyone yet. Plus, I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be one of those people who embraced change and who could stand strong in the midst of battles. That's usually who I was.<br />
<br />
My heart was so happy to be with Jordan all the time. His parents opened their home to me and let me live there, rent free, for months. Enabled Jordan and I to save money for our future life together. In October, he proposed. at that point, that was the happiest day of my life. a promise of a future together. We would be a family. We would be married. I was elated and couldn't wait to share it with all the people I loved so much.<br />
<br />
The hard part was that all those people were hundreds of miles away back in GA, one in NY, & a couple in FL. I thought when I moved that I could keep up with my friends every single week through phone, skype, text, etc. I thought we could all keep the strong bonds that we shared when I lived at home. In Australia, I talked to them all pretty regularly... but it was understood that because of the time difference, communicating was sometimes difficult and there was no pressure. Out here- I felt/feel like I have to keep up. to call. to text. to email. to make sure that I'm still "in the loop." because I fear losing my friends.<br />
<br />
I have a wonderful life out here. I have a husband who I am absolutely in love with. A husband who I would spend every single second of every single day with and could be perfectly happy. a husband who loves me. A family, one out here, and one in GA, who I make my best efforts to keep in touch with regularly.<br />
<br />
What I don't have in TX is community. friends. people to do life with. girl friends to laugh with, cry with, go on coffee dates with. I have a couple girls that I have hung out with, one in particular that I worked with whom I adore, and they are great. but I miss the depth of my friendships back in GA. I don't want to be blind to the fact that I could have those kinds of relationships here... but Jordan and I as a couple, we don't have community. Jordan has grown up here his entire life. his friends from elementary school, they are all still friends. They are incredible people & I love them dearly, and I love their precious girlfriends and wives. But I need more. I want friends that are OURS. people we can do life with together.<br />
<br />
I feel the pressure to keep up with my friends every week. I know they feel it too. We are all going through so many different things. so many different seasons. We are all over the place- location & situation. One of the hardest parts of my pregnancy has been not having my girls close. With the exception of my wedding, it is the one thing I want to share with them the most. But it is hard to find the time to call. it's hard to find the "want" to hash out all the details of the last few weeks when all you really want is to sit curled up on a couch with them actually feeling the things they feel, for them to feel what I feel, for them to feel the baby kick... phone/email whatever... it just feels like a tease. so some days I don't want to. some days I avoid it. Because the missing them afterwards is worse once I know what's happening in their lives. The hole seems wider.<br />
<br />
Jordan will always be what I call home. At the end of the day, I am content and if all I ever had was my husband and my son, that would be fine. But that is not how we're supposed to do life. We are meant to thrive in community. We are meant to share burdens, to share joys, to cry and rejoice and laugh and be ridiculous. We are meant to walk through life together.<br />
<br />
-----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
I started this post back in October. I am still dealing with it, but differently. It's now Dec. 4th. So here's a follow up with how I feel now.<br />
<br />
<br />
Jordan and I went back to GA for a week for Thanksgiving. Our weeks back are always such a blur because we are trying to see as many people as we can in a limited amount of time. It often ends up being a bit stressful (really for me) and we're usually exhausted by the end of the week.<br />
<br />
I was a little nervous to go back this time. SUPER excited, but something just felt different. my mom and 2 of my besties threw me a baby shower & some of the ladies I hadn't seen since our wedding. I was so blessed and so honored by the shower & even more that the ladies whose lives I am no longer a part of on a regular basis made it and sacrificed their Sunday afternoon to be there. I tried to spend as much time talking to them as I could and it was really so good for my heart. But it made me miss community so much.<br />
<br />
I really didn't get much time with my closest friends on this trip, which made me sad because we won't be back in GA until probably May. We were only in Atlanta for 3 days and in Savannah the rest of the days. It was great to spend time with my parents and my siblings, and then to be in Savannah with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.<br />
<br />
However, on the long drive back to TX, (YES. we drove- yikes!), I started to talk to Jordan about what I felt like was brewing in my heart. I long for community here... I know he does too. Every week, he asks me if I want to try a new church. Every week, I say no. Understand we have tried EIGHT churches out here since I moved. I was so spoiled by my amazing church in Atlanta, Grace Midtown, and selfishly want the same type of experience. Most churches we've visited are HUGE and when we've inquired about getting involved, at a couple that we actually revisited, we couldn't get straight answers and kind of got the run around. So, as far as the church scene in DFW, I'm honestly just over it. my attitude is horrible in terms of trying to meet people. I have been apathetic and negative, thus negatively affecting my desire for community AND my desire for closeness with the Lord.<br />
<br />
What I really feel like the Lord has been showing me is to loosen the reigns on my friendships back in GA. There are some that will always be, no matter the distance in miles, the # of phone calls a week. There are some that will fall away, but that is okay. Sometimes we have friends for a season. It doesn't mean the love isn't there or that the friendship was not beautiful or didn't teach something. Just sometimes, that season comes to an end. Doesn't mean the friendship is over, though. But, I have felt Him encouraging me to do that. To not feel the "weight" of having so much I feel like I left behind and for not putting that weight on them either. I really think because I have held so tightly and been so down about being so far from my friends, I have really caused myself and Jordan some set backs when it's come to finding them here. I have not wanted to get to know people or share anything with anyone new... because I have so much invested in GA, and so much as been invested in me. but the time has come to let it go. To embrace new friendships, love the ones I already have, but not see them as the "be all end all." the time has come to start meeting new women, women who share the same seasons I am in, with husbands who are in the same as Jordan. to laugh, be encouraged, to encourage, to pray, to share burdens and joys, to experience deep, rooted community. I had to release myself and I had to release my friends. (friends if you're reading this, I released you haha).<br />
<br />
It was been a little over a week since I talked about this with Jordan. Once we talked about it and I really spoke into words what I was feeling, things started to change. I suddenly had the desire to reach out, to step out and be uncomfortable. I started getting random women on my heart that I had met here to try and reconnect with. Most of whom are very different than me, which is a great thing! I started to read and write more, to desire more intimacy with the Lord again, to desire it with people. It opened up more doors of communication with my husband, and also allowed me to speak a lot of hurts I had been dealing with for a long time in regards to rejection of people and start to deal with that as well.<br />
<br />
I don't know a lot, but I know that we weren't made to go through life alone. I really think the enemy was trying to stifle me out here. Usually outgoing, makes friends with everyone, hugs you probably 2 minutes after I meet you, became very distant, quiet, and standoffish. The creative, spiritual, and social aspects of my personality were most definitely stifled. my writing, my prayer life, my intimacy with the Lord, my outward personality towards others, was affected negatively. THIS. IS. NOT. ME.<br />
<br />
I am thankful for Jesus who never gives up on this girl. for a husband who listens and encourages and betters me. for friends who have been through many seasons. for family, TX & GA. for a son that I can't wait to meet in just a couple months.<br />
<br />
so be blessed friends. thanks for reading this.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
NOW, for some pictures!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJz3a0XsFUD1-rabhLRPZ3ZZCsXNqYApH_cUsbKJaKFahWneCHzXlwaiJfZORholGoemTWfgSXtuouU8ESZSd5-jJzLjPlAMOWWRmCxPOTfy9QNTanGso8iT9qUrERYqGVldpgCLWD_Pw/s1600/carlyhayez.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJz3a0XsFUD1-rabhLRPZ3ZZCsXNqYApH_cUsbKJaKFahWneCHzXlwaiJfZORholGoemTWfgSXtuouU8ESZSd5-jJzLjPlAMOWWRmCxPOTfy9QNTanGso8iT9qUrERYqGVldpgCLWD_Pw/s320/carlyhayez.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Hayley, me, Carly at my shower</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9qSqLVBOwNHnhaLOWjygQPlJEv1gglfxa2DIa-49GDbt_ZTvdKjlrDwnHxhbfikC1FRUebm4Yoh8B5Eu8YhoHuliruTjoSlBcjEVWj9LMLr7U-ZWQLqz4zxrmnIVzA9ugOA8JBkWrXow/s1600/holzlark.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9qSqLVBOwNHnhaLOWjygQPlJEv1gglfxa2DIa-49GDbt_ZTvdKjlrDwnHxhbfikC1FRUebm4Yoh8B5Eu8YhoHuliruTjoSlBcjEVWj9LMLr7U-ZWQLqz4zxrmnIVzA9ugOA8JBkWrXow/s320/holzlark.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Holly, me, and Lark</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvwAWhuTQf0Zxa-5xXyfB5h-Pr6ZMr-Njag3Nc2msX0zB81AvSEtHh3Is3lFmWn327lQyQN0LjEs3S-G-IeDxzNy-TSc65Dv9X7lutJzrMBM_ATn1N25DVTFlqo_ZKl14JyHOmYFxhR8s/s1600/hubbyella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvwAWhuTQf0Zxa-5xXyfB5h-Pr6ZMr-Njag3Nc2msX0zB81AvSEtHh3Is3lFmWn327lQyQN0LjEs3S-G-IeDxzNy-TSc65Dv9X7lutJzrMBM_ATn1N25DVTFlqo_ZKl14JyHOmYFxhR8s/s320/hubbyella.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Had to put this adorable pic of my hubby and niece :)</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFYxFlkWxLVwNgr7wGUgiND6hz8b91n7ggF-cP46PQ0sf_r4a3lFlPJUgyQMKndfMlbZcWul4Eo842iQsoTTWDI_2v-n0iAqzE-_Ki93TB8ZHr-eWRIGChjG-BRhkXKV5JBljMDga9Vg/s1600/jp.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFYxFlkWxLVwNgr7wGUgiND6hz8b91n7ggF-cP46PQ0sf_r4a3lFlPJUgyQMKndfMlbZcWul4Eo842iQsoTTWDI_2v-n0iAqzE-_Ki93TB8ZHr-eWRIGChjG-BRhkXKV5JBljMDga9Vg/s320/jp.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
with my baby brother, JP.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSptyZitF8FHW5oVSBGYiINazu_J6_IejGQuP4W-mq8VSBqaPojZaBLpCi8InrG2CDkKvxdcMCmDwI9fC2FxU9XZN0F7FWkuvyqXEVlj2IknFBk_N4w0NKvO4rHBumhnZg3wnZs2u-JHA/s1600/lark.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSptyZitF8FHW5oVSBGYiINazu_J6_IejGQuP4W-mq8VSBqaPojZaBLpCi8InrG2CDkKvxdcMCmDwI9fC2FxU9XZN0F7FWkuvyqXEVlj2IknFBk_N4w0NKvO4rHBumhnZg3wnZs2u-JHA/s320/lark.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
mama & aunt lark :)</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkgZdQEt3NzOxBmySFjf4j6HxprAQbOufR60CPnAtDEsYiCLnYBqcrdGvJpX5v5J_W9iw-CtLqteMCU4WLgi1mJrBRCiodIKT2tf-1csGukQ12PbpmDgv-_JG6iA1k7fXnsCAtUoE2z74/s1600/meandmom.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkgZdQEt3NzOxBmySFjf4j6HxprAQbOufR60CPnAtDEsYiCLnYBqcrdGvJpX5v5J_W9iw-CtLqteMCU4WLgi1mJrBRCiodIKT2tf-1csGukQ12PbpmDgv-_JG6iA1k7fXnsCAtUoE2z74/s320/meandmom.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My Momma & Me</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY0i1U9D9rNHLADDHsQo-NoRT_mNrQFIhRfbEMEBJr1DN_UcbLaN2ot5Q_RMfRF1qWjG7mp-8wIXtKfZmt5_Vu71jNfLMBjg2HxKlGzcZYewRVLu8xEMQksj34YID7a81b8Y0biaZEfes/s1600/shower.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY0i1U9D9rNHLADDHsQo-NoRT_mNrQFIhRfbEMEBJr1DN_UcbLaN2ot5Q_RMfRF1qWjG7mp-8wIXtKfZmt5_Vu71jNfLMBjg2HxKlGzcZYewRVLu8xEMQksj34YID7a81b8Y0biaZEfes/s320/shower.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
baby Gray's adopted auntie's at the shower</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggutOL5nHDfZ7VnWpcpzuPjBcHIfGYhMheen2r5CdUXfZ9ADhD_u5UhUZPmZDWXVGQdAuu23xsXwn-WQrq5a98uOuo7D0iXryJjLt8CUzXgJvF_Gnojlw8Z5tzv0d-q-_oR4ljYxMsyP0/s1600/jpmc.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggutOL5nHDfZ7VnWpcpzuPjBcHIfGYhMheen2r5CdUXfZ9ADhD_u5UhUZPmZDWXVGQdAuu23xsXwn-WQrq5a98uOuo7D0iXryJjLt8CUzXgJvF_Gnojlw8Z5tzv0d-q-_oR4ljYxMsyP0/s320/jpmc.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Maura Cate & JP.. melt my heart</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-4SM9fKCLtJ6w7Wgpwei9bWIkEdWMaSYIXb9R3s8bH-68q94Y1XXPa5H8MLXTzgUl5oUzni9_pJZ0FcOYTmJo2M7zC6YcBPn7UK53AbbcEJS7enR5SMV-grQA1IkjuGbOX7bYyKGnYs/s1600/meandbella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-4SM9fKCLtJ6w7Wgpwei9bWIkEdWMaSYIXb9R3s8bH-68q94Y1XXPa5H8MLXTzgUl5oUzni9_pJZ0FcOYTmJo2M7zC6YcBPn7UK53AbbcEJS7enR5SMV-grQA1IkjuGbOX7bYyKGnYs/s320/meandbella.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
my little sister, Isabella & me on Thanksgiving</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-39041216233391854122012-10-29T07:50:00.005-07:002012-10-29T08:06:16.806-07:00one of those days...I know I said I'd be writing about a birth plan and what not... but that post is still in the works. I want to make sure I am saying what I mean. I know birth options are very personal choices, so I am trying to write it so that my own personal views don't get in the way of what I'm trying to communicate. So that will be soon hopefully.<br />
<br />
The last week or so, I have been in a <i>funk. </i>For the first time in my pregnancy, I have been super unhappy with what my body looks like, the way it's changing, & so on. One of the things, sometimes perks, of pregnancy is that your body is changing ALL THE TIME. Notice I didn't just say belly. your whole body. For instance:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>my hair. I chopped my hair off in my first trimester because it was SO thick from all the hormones raging through my body. also, you don't shed hair during pregnancy like you do when you're not pregnant. You just lose it all afterwards :) so my already super thick hair was getting thicker and thicker, I was too sick to worry about taking the hour that it spent to make it look good... so I thought- "why not chop it off?" I had short hair for YEARS. WORST. DECISION. OF. MY. PREGNANCY. Sure my hair now takes 15 minutes, which I am thankful for. what I didn't consider in my decision was that long or short, the thickness would still be there. I loved it for about a week & now I hate it. Thankfully my hair is growing at an alarming rate.. all thanks again to the hormones & the prenatal vitamins. </li>
<li>other "stuff." things that were already big... well, they just get bigger. and bigger. & continue to get bigger if you nurse. I will leave it at that ;)</li>
<li>the belly. My little, round, basketball belly is one of my favorite things about being pregnant. I loved when I finally "popped" and strangers could tell that I wasn't a skinny girl with an enormous "gut" but there was actually a little babe in there. It really does make everything feel official once the belly pops & you start feeling those kicks and wiggles. however, as the belly gets bigger, things stop fitting. I have really tried not to buy too many maternity clothes since you only wear them for such a short time. But it's about time I start stocking up for winter because the belly is getting big. Also, bending over to put on jeans, take off boots, paint toe nails, etc.... it doesn't happen anymore.</li>
<li>hips. Before being pregnant, this poor body had ZERO hips. my friends have always teased me about it. no hips. no butt. Well, pregnancy has changed that for sure. these hips don't lie. it's crazy the way the Lord designed a woman's body to change during pregnancy, but also how he prepares it ahead of time. My hips have widened to give the babe some extra space. however, this has resulted in lots of pain for mommy and some serious discomfort. but I'm glad he's comfy in there.</li>
<li>hands/feet: this is a common one that I feel like when you're NOT pregnant, you always associate with pregnant ladies. swollen feet, not being able see them, etc. What I didn't know, was that my hands could hurt so bad. Ladies can get a temporary "carpal tunnel" if you will, in their hands during pregnancy. I have had this BAD. My sweet hubby is so great about rubbing my hands every night, as well as anything else that hurts. Feels like a constant writers cramp. no fun.</li>
<li>Back/tailbone. Oh man oh man. I could write a novel on how much my back has hurt since I've been pregnant. even in the 1st trimester. I've been seeing a prenatal chiropractor since I was 7 weeks pregnant and I go EVERY WEEK. All the walking, lifting, etc I was doing at my job was a huge problem, so since I have stopped working, a lot of those issues have subsided. This also affected my knees, feet, etc. I've started getting prenatal massages as well and this helps to soothe a lot of the issues I've been having.</li>
<li>and of course... the weight gain. I have actually had a little bit of an issue gaining weight during this pregnancy. I am supposed to gain 35 lbs because I'm naturally small... I'm about 13 lbs, maybe 15 lbs heavier on a good day. I have an appt tomorrow, so I'm hoping to have gained a couple lbs. but it's an uphill battle because while weight gain is great as far as nurturing a healthy environment for the baby, giving him enough protein, etc, keeping him in there longer.. it's hard when everything starts to swell and your face gets all the weight first. I have never weighed over 125 in my life. so seeing new numbers in the scale is a little hard. but as long as baby and midwife are happy, mommy is happy.</li>
<li><i>this one might be TMI</i>, but whatever. a baby is going to come out of my body soon. so I've lost what little filter I had already. also- depending on how your kid is sitting... it can affect a lot. our child has been head down for a long time. he has plenty of time to move and then get head down again, but I guess he likes where he is and is sitting super low and always on my bladder. I already had a small bladder, but now... it's almost guaranteed that I'm gonna pee every 5-10 min. then when he kicks me and he's on my bladder... well I literally feel like if I pee, he's gonna come out too. </li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I don't say all this to complain... because this weekend I complained to my husband my fair share. (he's so gracious to listen to me!) I say this to pregnant mamas who have problems so they know they're not the only one & also so maybe others will have some grace for slow moving, sometimes cranky pregnant mamas. there's a lot going on in there!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Some days I do get really discouraged though. I feel frumpy. I don't feel pretty. I hate my hair. I want to drink a bottle of red wine. I don't want to watch my sugar. I get tired of defending my birthing/parenting choices to friends & family. I want the baby to hurry up and get here so I don't get any bigger. I want my clothes to fit. I want to go to a tanning bed. I want to be able to ride in the car without wanting to either vomit or feel like I need to lay down completely flat on my back because my hips and back hurt so badly from sitting up. and I think... "UGH. I HATE BEING PREGNANT." (aren't I dramatic?) I think about how little one on one time Jordan & I will have once the babe arrives. that part makes me sad sometimes. especially since I plan to breast-feed for as long as I can, it will be a time commitment to my little one, but also I have to think about the time commitment I have to my husband. I worry about the balance. I worry about the unsolicited advice from friends/family (I like to learn on my own & ask for help when I really need it). I worry about all the endless visitors that will be trickling through our apartment after baby is born. I worry about random people constantly touching my child and germs and the like. I worry about getting frustrated, feeling like I've failed, etc.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I think (I hope) all of that is really normal at some point. I know what mommies are already thinking, "wait until the END of the pregnancy." or, "just wait until the baby is here." I hear ya. I can't imagine. but I will get over it, just like I always do. my always patient husband will massage my back and shoulders (and feet, hehe), tell me how much he loves me, how beautiful he thinks I am and all will go back to normal. the Lord will affirm to me again this season to which He has called me. to from now on lay down my life for my child. to sacrifice my <b>body. </b>to sacrifice my time. to sacrifice the old normalcy I once had and to embrace a "new normal." to encourage me to go forward another week. At the end of the day, my kid is healthy. I am healthy. Hubby is happy. that is enough. My sister, Jennifer, told me one time that the Lord gives you grace for things when the proper time comes so that you'll be able to receive it. she is one of the most patient, loving, encouraging, fun, and sweetest moms that I know. so I will take her advice :)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
on a much more fun note... I went to my first Ole Miss football game this weekend. They played Arkansas & WE WON! For those unfamiliar with Ole Miss, they have had a rough past few seasons, but this year got a new coach. He was actually the high school coach from the story the movie "The Blindside" was based on. His name s Hugh Freeze and he has done such an unbelievable job coaching this team this year and from what I can tell, really encouraging his players. You watch him coach and he's not all angry and screaming at his players like most college football coaches, and he has really boosted the morale of the team and also I think for all of the fans. (I know the Gray household is extremely happy!)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so it was a huge win for Ole Miss, who has one of the toughest schedules in the SEC. If they win one more game, they will go to a bowl this year which hasn't happen in awhile. So I am excited for them. (my yellow jackets have disappointed me this year, but I still love them tremendously).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it was a great weekend with my man and also with his parents and younger brother. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>IT'S OFFICIALLY FALL IN TEXAS! (no big deal that it's just now the first time it's been in the 60's-70's)</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZpqx7TfaVRrDaSwZRJfyrkC6lWqGNc5fmExbzG8MLqKhmaTQ6vmihk-xHzZALhbeearRrO_x1xb3AyQKmbW67IDF9HZDWk8xc-FvQJTkMI97vhmx76K7-9TlX8M7F-tM7K4b7-_iW4gA/s1600/ole+miss.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZpqx7TfaVRrDaSwZRJfyrkC6lWqGNc5fmExbzG8MLqKhmaTQ6vmihk-xHzZALhbeearRrO_x1xb3AyQKmbW67IDF9HZDWk8xc-FvQJTkMI97vhmx76K7-9TlX8M7F-tM7K4b7-_iW4gA/s400/ole+miss.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this coming weekend we are heading out to Aggie Land for a wedding. November and December are huge traveling months for us. We've got weddings, holidays, baby showers, and the like. We are <b>driving </b>back home for Thanksgiving. so that's a good 12-13 hour drive. blah. ask me how much I am looking forward to that. BUT, a baby shower with all my girls and spending Thanksgiving with my family await us so I know on the drive back, my love tank is gonna be so full and it'll have to hold me over until the next time I see everyone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Thanks for reading. If I bore you, sorry. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
all my love.</div>
Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-66626546426952336552012-10-24T07:40:00.001-07:002012-10-24T07:51:51.242-07:00vulnerability.I'm going to try to get better about writing in this thing. My husband has encouraged me to write more. I have been nervous to be as vulnerable as I used to be on my <a href="http://www.maldanielle.blogspot.com/">individual blog</a> because I have a husband now, a baby on the way, and my words and emotions don't just affect me... they affect them too. What I reveal about my life doesn't just affect me, it affects them. More and more people have messaged me asking why I don't blog anymore and to be honest I have just been afraid. I used to write A LOT. Not just blogging, but journaling. I keep a prayer journal, a pregnancy journal, & a journal to the baby, but none of it quite grasps the same rawness that I used to express with my words.<br />
<br />
Also to be honest- I've been a "victim" (I hate to use that word- so intense & a little dramatic in this case, but can't think of another word) of cyber bullying. I have had my pictures, my words, & some pretty slanderous things said about me on the internet over the years, all of which were 1. untrue & 2. vulgar, hurtful, and unnecessary. made me mistrust people and want to keep things to myself, because I never know who is reading this anymore.<br />
<br />
saying all that, once baby Gray is born, I am going to post as much as I feel comfortable with posting. as his mom, I am supposed to protect him. plastering images about my boy and stories all over the internet for strangers just makes me a smidge uneasy. there are some crazies out there these days! there are also some things I will not put in PRINT in regards to me or this family. but if we are to have a nice cup of coffee somewhere, I'll be happy to share those things as well.<br />
<br />
but living under a rock and not sharing your story is no way to be. vulnerability is where we all connect. it's where we see, "ah, okay. I'm not the only one." it's where we start to feel like we are not alone. in YWAM we used to talk about this all the time, when you open up, share your story, & be who you really are, you FREE others to do the same. how true is that? sharing your story allows other people to open up about their own, to experience real freedom, to share things they may have kept inside for entirely too long. it builds community. it opens doors for the Father's love to come in and heal all the broken places. most people, myself included, feel like if people knew who we really were, they wouldn't love us... we wouldn't be accepted. my husband has been my #1 encourager to just. be. me. he allows me to be Malloree. clumsy, sometimes outspoken, messy, overly realistic little old me. while still loving me and encouraging me to be better. how many people are afraid to share the deepest places of their hearts, to bare their souls, to love recklessly without the fear of shame or ridicule? I say it's time we stop all that. we stop keeping those dark places closed up and start opening up, loving others, and encouraging them to be who they are. that's a challenge for myself included.<br />
<br />
SO. saying all that... let the challenge begin. here, I'll start.<br />
<br />
Married life is by far the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. so many people said how hard it would be after the first couple months, we're quite a bit past that, & you'd think that with a baby on the way so quickly that we would be mourning the loss of our "honeymoon" phase. I will be honest. When we first found out about our pregnancy, I was not excited, not happy, & not looking forward to what was to come. We had planned to try and wait at least a year & wanted to do all the things newlyweds do their first year of marriage. WELL. Things obviously didn't work out that way. I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame with the way I was feeling about my child. I found out very early on, as I have a very sensitive body & am ridiculously aware of any new change that happens. Jordan & I didn't really talk about it for a little bit. I don't know if we were hoping it was a false pregnancy or what... but neither of us could really come to terms with what was happening. and ya'll... I had PRAYED for a baby. prayed and prayed and prayed. before we even got married. but I had limitations on it- I wanted it when I wanted it. I wanted to have enough money saved, not be in a one bedroom apartment, to have gotten to travel with my husband for awhile and do all these fun things you're "supposed" to do when you get married.<br />
<br />
but the Lord had other plans for us. different timing. It took me a few weeks to even come to terms with it. when we went to our 7 week appointment, we heard the heartbeat for the first time... it changed everything. no longer was the baby a little organism inside my body making me INCREDIBLY sick, no longer did I think of him as a baby... He was OUR baby. He was life. He was living, growing, and thriving in MY BODY. I was responsible for taking care of this little life. He was ours. He was Jordan's. He was mine. When you hear the heartbeat for the first time, there is a connection made. I can't explain it, but I knew then that I would do whatever it took to protect this baby. that I had a responsibility as his mother. the Lord had trusted us to be his parents. He had given our baby boy over to us, trusted us to take care of His child. He chose him for us & us for him. after that, Jordan & I both had a different outlook on this pregnancy and on our baby.<br />
<br />
Our marriage has been strengthened in preparing for our son. While I will say, pregnancy has been an extremely wild, emotional ride, with morning sickness, indigestion, (I have had every single symptom in the book... no lie), being on bed rest for a week, having to leave work earlier than I expected, and a couple of complications along the way, it has been an amazing journey and I do love being pregnant. But I could have never done it without my husband. I credit a lot of the good parts of our marriage to our time in YWAM- where we truly got to know each other, better than I have ever known anyone in my life. so we have no secrets. there is nothing too dark or too deep to hide from. our communication is open & honest. sure, we have arguments from time to time, but very infrequently. but I think we fought more often when we were just dating! there is unwavering trust there. we really strive to honor and serve the other one. I fail a lot. Jordan does too. but we've got grace for each other. he has been such a support for me through this pregnancy- cooking dinner when the smells made me sick, coming to every single midwife & Dr. appointment, helping me do my pregnancy exercises, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry.. all when I was on bed rest. he talks to our son/my belly every day, and baby boy knows the sound of his daddy's voice. when Jordan talks to him, he starts kicking and moving A LOT. he has read and educated himself on "Husband Coached Childbirth" (which I recommend any new dad to read) and is prepared to assist me with our labor... as well as any parenting & fathering book he can get his hands on. He is ready to father his son. He is an unbelievable man. He is the most wonderful man I could've married. he is perfect for me & I for him. I could complain about a lot of things in my life sometimes, but I could not find a thing to complain about in my marriage. For that, I am thankful.<br />
<br />
For all you realists, like myself most of the time, YES. I know there will be trials that come up. We've had to stand against a couple of them already. And it will be hard. But our marriage is rooted in both of our relationships with the Lord, as cheesy as that sounds, & I am not worried. I hope we are always this happy & this in love with each other. I would love to be the exception to the rule. No sense tearing your own or other marriages apart because you think it's SUPPOSED to be hard, you're SUPPOSED to have to work super hard... if you put in the same effort everyday, it's not work. it's love. it's serving your spouse because you love doing it, because you love them. not because you just have to.<br />
<br />
being parents is going to be a new challenge for us. thankfully, we come from families who parented similar ways to the other. however, we are a new family & we are going to parent how we deem necessary for our child. it's going to be a learning process. Jordan asked me last night, "what do you think the first night will be like?" and I laughed and said, "we're going to shake our heads and wonder what the hell we've just gotten ourselves into."<br />
<br />
I am nervous to be a mother. I am nervous to be a mother to a boy. but I have heard, boys love their mamas. I pray that's true. all I know is that I love this little guy. I've still got awhile to go but I am anxious to see his sweet face & see if he has his mama's eyes or his daddy's white blonde curly hair from when he was a babe. The doctor said he is a big baby. He is a healthy little guy and we are so blessed that he is ours.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">here is the progression of the belly.</span> <b>PLEASE understand,</b> I don't share my weeks because I'm not sharing my due date. this is because we are having a natural birth, with a midwife, at a birth center (which I will explain in a different post) and we will not be induced if our child doesn't come at 40 weeks (which is what your due date is based on). we have about 42.5 weeks for the babe to be born. and they can come anywhere from 36-42 weeks. not because I don't love you. first time moms usually go later. <b>this was advice of my midwife & other moms who have used our birth center. </b>I do not want a bunch of calls/texts/emails from 36-40 weeks, wondering if the baby is here yet, and also once we hit our due date, I do not want people freaking me out if he doesn't come by that specific day. each baby takes their own time :) PLUS- it is fun to only have family and friends in the loop of when baby Gray will get here- especially since for me, all my friends & fam are in GA & have not been able to be as involved in our pregnancy. so please respect our decision to do so as we would respect yours in terms of your own pregnancy<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF6Ns7xXA31aTEesg1f0bG3GrSuvxsorH0GGubIsu8hYJXmwTKAaE-5nQMSiw_SL3Gr8_b6JP5c3x6omPW8amwIWV8PVu27yoDuSBpNWDjOswKnPKUD0G7LJHMjGSrW2pvwVgEmxRT0zE/s1600/bump6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF6Ns7xXA31aTEesg1f0bG3GrSuvxsorH0GGubIsu8hYJXmwTKAaE-5nQMSiw_SL3Gr8_b6JP5c3x6omPW8amwIWV8PVu27yoDuSBpNWDjOswKnPKUD0G7LJHMjGSrW2pvwVgEmxRT0zE/s400/bump6.JPG" width="297" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGr6_c-FE_2zCIH2xdi829TA5lBWxzFL5KPs5VSScCmQEJA7i757U1BI_XjlEzF3eH_HXRhw8Y5ZNFf9uo66KsOwOPPVxPVzKevksqB6IJXOOBM_7x7PIijMiwBJvgFKUZW_DgX7iN9ZM/s1600/bump5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGr6_c-FE_2zCIH2xdi829TA5lBWxzFL5KPs5VSScCmQEJA7i757U1BI_XjlEzF3eH_HXRhw8Y5ZNFf9uo66KsOwOPPVxPVzKevksqB6IJXOOBM_7x7PIijMiwBJvgFKUZW_DgX7iN9ZM/s320/bump5.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgySoxSkdX0sJ1CI7vrfVYhkS0lKoa8cLNt9AEw9zuI62yGpsA4IyblL_JDXL3950X3mgOLsn9ZTiB2tQ6IFZW8uSjMV-JCCmEcfF7WUne786a3vpyNapMLTchHMh7pfFsjN9ISuxwCl7k/s1600/bump4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgySoxSkdX0sJ1CI7vrfVYhkS0lKoa8cLNt9AEw9zuI62yGpsA4IyblL_JDXL3950X3mgOLsn9ZTiB2tQ6IFZW8uSjMV-JCCmEcfF7WUne786a3vpyNapMLTchHMh7pfFsjN9ISuxwCl7k/s320/bump4.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgga58bFza58k__gvoQjBY3B9h57Kj1wtnbrdR9w7xmgFgITm7OtNYYetKjHkZ1RaEaQuyEAwC7k9KRV51sySkUWRJHSCmrVAnk-z6e2d9whv5qS3QlljdeBvU6el1TO86-RN9m8CQCn1g/s1600/bump3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgga58bFza58k__gvoQjBY3B9h57Kj1wtnbrdR9w7xmgFgITm7OtNYYetKjHkZ1RaEaQuyEAwC7k9KRV51sySkUWRJHSCmrVAnk-z6e2d9whv5qS3QlljdeBvU6el1TO86-RN9m8CQCn1g/s320/bump3.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
this picture here was about a month or so ago- I look significantly bigger than I actually was. I think he was laying in a super funky position or something. not to mention at the end of the day- so much food had been consumed :) because I look bigger here than I do in the bottom 2... which are the most recent, taken this past weekend.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGOpCeXyKHD5214c-kFouyAKx9vO-PaCN1f_ajirATQJYDmULKFXH5-Viday-YJYO_gKY0gwRxeWVhs9fXEWBaP0zq5KZUJ6SN6_ZGfd4GVMUKg7xjpo_L4vFBtehHh_MAuIN5EgAtgo8/s1600/bump+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGOpCeXyKHD5214c-kFouyAKx9vO-PaCN1f_ajirATQJYDmULKFXH5-Viday-YJYO_gKY0gwRxeWVhs9fXEWBaP0zq5KZUJ6SN6_ZGfd4GVMUKg7xjpo_L4vFBtehHh_MAuIN5EgAtgo8/s320/bump+2.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0TcD_3BXLK4M-vVYiIPKdOfMwtXHQxmD7B9-RVDML1lezfw_u0dJAXfrTy1-RWeXFLygVhIiMYnPR_ZQt4Bifxg6B0xPKaF-DMjUF5ZUYuAV9cLiIi-4UGRvCzr0JvRHsYDt4O8jm-Z0/s1600/bump1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0TcD_3BXLK4M-vVYiIPKdOfMwtXHQxmD7B9-RVDML1lezfw_u0dJAXfrTy1-RWeXFLygVhIiMYnPR_ZQt4Bifxg6B0xPKaF-DMjUF5ZUYuAV9cLiIi-4UGRvCzr0JvRHsYDt4O8jm-Z0/s320/bump1.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
alright. that's all for now people. I'll be trying to update more this week about a birth plan... what it is, why it's helpful to have one, especially in the hospital, & what ours is.<br />
<br />
We're heading to Little Rock, Arkansas this weekend to watch Ole Miss destroy the Razorbacks! Hotty Toddy!<br />
<br />
all my love.<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-45349350420726571562012-09-17T13:48:00.000-07:002012-09-17T14:25:14.243-07:00and then there were 2...<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">BOYS.</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
yes. that's right- we are welcoming our sweet baby boy next year. I am officially outnumbered in the Gray household & I couldn't be more excited about that.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">up until 2 weeks or so before we found out, we were absolutely convinced it was a girl... it seemed everyone else thought so too. (it's so silly to try and predict now looking back, because it's a 50/50 chance, HA!) but at our most recent midwife appointment, baby Gray was SO active and kicking frequently, although at that time I couldn't feel it... so I started to wonder if we had a little football player in there like daddy :)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">as the weeks progressed, baby Gray became increasingly more active. I felt him kicking and moving around quite frequently, and pretty early on. He is an active and healthy baby, measuring tall, which we have NO idea where the height is coming from. He kicks all the time, rolls around all the time, & I will tell you, there is absolutely nothing in the world like feeling your baby move inside your belly. I am constantly overwhelmed with how the Lord has blessed us and how incredible, intricate, detailed, & perfect the pregnancy/birth process is.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have always wanted an older brother and so we are overjoyed that our children after this baby boy will always have an older brother to look up to and take care of them. Most of you know my husband is the ultimate "man's man," so having a boy is right up his alley.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">on a more serious note- many people who already know what we're having, have asked what we're going to name our baby. while I would LOVE to reveal, I think right now we're going to not "announce" the name, just to keep some surprises, plus it's kind of fun to reveal later on, but I will explain the meanings & why exactly we chose the names we did.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2-3 years ago, I was having some weird issues as far as serious fatigue, cramping, low energy, etc. I've always been very active, energetic and this was completely out of the norm for me. I went to the OB to see what was going on- did lab work, had an U/S... basically had some low hormone/vitamin levels, but also some concern over my ovaries/uterus. you may have heard the term "endometriosis." without going into medical jargon or too much detail... in addition to this U/S plus some other concerns, she explained to me that I would have a difficult time getting pregnant, if I could at all. I wouldn't know until I tried. **while I think she made a VERY presumptuous statement, the enemy really held onto that with me and used it. I instantly just knew I would never have children. I would be punished for things I had done, I'd never get to experience being pregnant for the first time, never be able to give my husband children... I mean just lie after lie after lie. But I truly believed it and just kind of got used to it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(I'd like to add that there was absolutely zero trace of having endometriosis on my sonograms at our first appt!) the Lord is good.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">about a year and a half ago, I started praying and begging the Lord that I wasn't barren, especially after I met Jordan. I told Jordan early on in our friendship what the doctor had told me, because I had already known I was going to marry him at this point... I was terrified it would change how he felt about me. (it didn't phase him :) ) but my biggest desire at that point in my life was to be Jordan's wife & to one day be able to give him children. (both very new desires for me). so I prayed and I begged that I would one day be a mom... if I couldn't birth my own that we could adopt or have spiritual children.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On our engagement night last year, my now brother in law told me the Lord wanted him to tell me that I was not barren... that He was going to one day give me a child. (he didn't know ANYTHING in regards to this.) so you can imagine how elated I felt in that moment. BUT... I still wasn't sure because obviously, we weren't having a baby anytime soon.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">SO. flash forward to now... I am pregnant with our son. we are ridiculously happy newlyweds. both 2 answered prayers that I could not be more thankful for. 2 things I never thought I'd have... after we found out we were pregnant, a very very dear friend of mine who walked with me through a lot of the lies, sent me a text saying, "in spite of your best efforts to convince me you would never get married or have kids, you've done both. (almost). proud of you." and to me... there's nothing that shows the faithfulness of God more in my life than the 2 biggest blessings that I've gotten thus far.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the name we have chosen for our son means, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"God has heard." </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">which we feel is appropriate. his middle name is Jordan's first name, which is Christopher, meaning </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Christ bearer."</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> we really wanted to give our kids strong names with good meanings.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I never in a million years thought I could say... "my son." I went shopping after we found out & said my baby's name out loud and said "my son" and I started to tear up. SO OFFICIAL! To think I will be a mother... that my baby boy will call me "mommy" and Jordan "daddy," to know that we are responsible for this little life, for raising him to be a man like his father... that really is something.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in all of this, while going through many emotions, I have been reminded that God is faithful. that His timing is perfect. that He cares about the desires of my heart. that He listens and moves when we pray, even when it's not in the ways that we think or when we think He should. I am overjoyed. my heart is full.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I feel super vulnerable and exposed posting all of this, but I'm hoping it speaks to someone! I know there are women who desire to be moms, men who desire to be fathers, who haven't been able to conceive, can't afford to adopt, or are just having a hard time accepting where they are... I just know the Lord wants to give you good things. I had a hard time believing that for a long time. and now I couldn't be more convinced.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">thanks for reading.</span>Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-87566279211006682272012-08-06T18:04:00.000-07:002012-08-06T18:04:08.097-07:00...something's cooking...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWK2DamTCkKnk2l1JeLkKUEImUd51UP42ReULo0eaKzX39L6Xzg4dhtFm44Anfc-Wcsphj5vCWYWOiudgLWzg7MaBegCnhTZ4qFN2sajRRd0wk7sitmh-KOpqI1GkDOyOJOMD2Ns5fLIM/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWK2DamTCkKnk2l1JeLkKUEImUd51UP42ReULo0eaKzX39L6Xzg4dhtFm44Anfc-Wcsphj5vCWYWOiudgLWzg7MaBegCnhTZ4qFN2sajRRd0wk7sitmh-KOpqI1GkDOyOJOMD2Ns5fLIM/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
YES. It's true. We are expecting our sweet baby next year. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
some of you are probably just as shocked as we were when we found out... but once the shock wore off, we were ecstatic. we appreciate so much our friends & fam who have been so supportive and excited along with us and who already love baby gray just as much as we do. we are thrilled and overwhelmed (in a good way) with all that this new season brings.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Since making it public, we've gotten some questions that have been asked multiple times. So I thought I'd answer those here :)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>were we trying?/was this planned?/were we shocked?: </b>no we weren't trying, no it wasn't planned, and yes we were very shocked. however, while not our own timing, we believe in the Lord's perfect timing and we feel so peaceful about this and couldn't imagine it not being this way now.</li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>have i been sick?: </b>yes. very. my body is super sensitive to anything "foreign," so i got sick right away, but it's just part of being pregnant. i am starting to feel a TON better though.</li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>are we going to find out the sex?: </b>OF COURSE. I am way too much of a planner :) we still have a little while before we will have the sonogram to find that out. but we will share, most definitely.</li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><b>when is my due date?: </b>we are not revealing our due date for a couple of reasons. our closest friends & family members will know... but the wisdom i have been given from other moms + my midwife is to not reveal the due date. one reason being that first time moms usually go later than their due date, second being it's just an estimation, and another being that with facebook/twitter/iphone age, it's pretty much impossible to keep anything private. so this is something we have chosen to keep some intimacy between those who will physically be at the birth with us & our close family/friends who won't be there. we don't want our phones blowing up if we pass the due date. maybe it will be different with our 2nd baby, but for now, this is how we want to go about it.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
well I think that's all for now... hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will post some belly pictures and start writing about our birth plan, pregnancy, being a newlywed + how baby has changed things for us, etc etc.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
thank you to our friends + family who have been so supportive, encouraging to us & excited for us. our sweet baby is already so loved and we could not be more thankful for that.</div>Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984368684390154351.post-34345451657461845392012-06-06T04:43:00.001-07:002012-06-06T05:29:39.130-07:00a new seasonwell... here we are friends! this is going to be our family blog from now on... I will still try and write occasionally in <a href="http://www.maldanielle.blogspot.com/">my personal blog</a> but for the most part, if you want to keep up with our journey, this is where we'll be.<br />
<br />
WE. ARE. MARRIED. Have been for about a week and a half now. It sometimes feels surreal and I don't know if I will ever get tired of waking up next to Jordan every morning. I just love it.<br />
<br />
If you're just joining us, here is a little background info on us (I'm talking, VERY LITTLE). I (Malloree) am from Georgia, where I have been born and raised my whole life. Jordan is from Texas and has been born and raised there as well. After college, both of us (without knowing one another) decided to go to YWAM Discipleship Training School in the furthest possible place we could get to- Townsville, QLD Australia. (<i>If you want to read about YWAM & our journey there for 6 months, read about it on my personal blog) </i>we met there in January of 2011. The Lord spoke clearly, we waited, tried to be as obedient as possible... waited until after DTS was over, started dating, traveled to Sydney & Gold Coast for 2 weeks, came back to the states, and 2 months later, I had moved to Texas :) we weren't really good at long distance and knew we wanted to be more serious... so 4 months into dating, we got engaged. 7 months later, we are MARRIED & happy & so loving seeing the Lord complete the things He started in us over a year and a half ago. He is faithful and that's all we can say.<br />
<br />
SO. While I would love to post wedding photos, we aren't able to right now due to attempting to get them published. SO, once that is clear and hopefully in print, I will definitely show them to you.<br />
<br />
for now though- you can enjoy our wedding video done by the amazing people of <a href="http://www.thereasonilove.com/">the*reason</a><br />
<a href="http://www.vimeo.com/thereason/malloreejordan">WEDDING VIDEO</a><br />
<br />
So- just a quick update on what has been going on with us and a little bit of what's to come. We have had a CRAZY last couple of months. a close family friend passed away, our beautiful niece Ella Juliet was born, my dad and stepmom had TWINS at 29 weeks, JP & Maura Cate, and then of course we get married. this was all in about a month time span. so life has been hectic, but so much fun.<br />
<br />
We spent a week in Atlanta before the wedding and had some amazing friends from our YWAM school come from all over the world to visit and come to the wedding. So that was a blast. Our wedding happened and it was the most perfect day (although a bit hot at about 90 degrees) and I will always remember it. Our reception was a <b>BLAST. </b>I danced my tail off with my girls. then we honeymooned to Jamaica for 8 days of relaxation. I slept 18 hours the first day & around 12-13 hours after that each day, haha. Poor Jordan! We also celebrated Jordan's 27th birthday on June 2nd... so he is getting on up there :) but getting much more wiser and more handsome with age, hehe.<br />
<br />
Now we are home. We're actually venturing back to Georgia this weekend for a wedding that Jordan is a groomsman in, which we are really excited about. Jordan is back to work already and I am heading there next week. We have weddings every single weekend for the next month, so we are excited to share in all of our friends special days & start the newlywed journey with some amazing people.<br />
<br />
some of the people closest to us, JP & Jennifer (Jordan's brother & his wife), just moved about 3 hours away for JP's new dream job, and with them our niece, Ella, & nephew, Jackson. it has been a weird transition to not have them here. but we can't wait for them to visit and for us to come and visit a city that I've never seen before!<br />
<br />
thanks for stopping by!<br />
<br />
all our love-<br />
Jordan + Malloree<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
pictures of last few months :)</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgemYj6qOxPr6JVZ8yGtqLt8gXv-VP7FrwRyD2zwIfpNQpdZGQedojpEBDUSyTqffXvlgPbu3HWkVqRSO7mE8fTkT0LItyXiBpEX4WvkkHE6k1WEaT-bc5RSW4BwKXmClc1ZMdFrxvwGpw/s1600/P1030169.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgemYj6qOxPr6JVZ8yGtqLt8gXv-VP7FrwRyD2zwIfpNQpdZGQedojpEBDUSyTqffXvlgPbu3HWkVqRSO7mE8fTkT0LItyXiBpEX4WvkkHE6k1WEaT-bc5RSW4BwKXmClc1ZMdFrxvwGpw/s320/P1030169.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
trip to NYC- Jordan's first time!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMmweUeLfEPSv6l4OyTOLeeTQVIbM0ljQJ6FFru4l2bnZ1VBpGYJkuJbOXjWMFxY6xPaW0zYSauMXFBOihfoaTXDXhi3kfNzNiHQkBz4505ANc_XOLeFjibhZsIvw97TzjNsudKCZvjD4/s1600/P1030020.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMmweUeLfEPSv6l4OyTOLeeTQVIbM0ljQJ6FFru4l2bnZ1VBpGYJkuJbOXjWMFxY6xPaW0zYSauMXFBOihfoaTXDXhi3kfNzNiHQkBz4505ANc_XOLeFjibhZsIvw97TzjNsudKCZvjD4/s320/P1030020.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
OU/Texas A&M football game.. OU is Jordan's alma mater</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuplrfpLbd2qqChd5_drOpr7X7atEiwZgxk6xIC9DSXa4i7wXlI24hO1p6J-e6oH0jQ96GJyDYouNyYEjNgpwskAQZqxCOsLV9JKV2fZ2fsMwnC-G4Hk141l3Maw-BGZje_45txYfe3c/s1600/ella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuplrfpLbd2qqChd5_drOpr7X7atEiwZgxk6xIC9DSXa4i7wXlI24hO1p6J-e6oH0jQ96GJyDYouNyYEjNgpwskAQZqxCOsLV9JKV2fZ2fsMwnC-G4Hk141l3Maw-BGZje_45txYfe3c/s320/ella.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
our sweet Ella girl, probably 3 weeks here.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-wKbjv4WyVpIi83Wy1cKqxq86l6DIfB6MWfqiQCjmYDa0HxbVZ32HUoewaH96v0bZKGUNFl6U6ziihuB9oWgopP1RioZULyXlRzbDH7yyIsjmYTao3NhVN76WicdDUSAWN00i27fDXc/s1600/meandella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-wKbjv4WyVpIi83Wy1cKqxq86l6DIfB6MWfqiQCjmYDa0HxbVZ32HUoewaH96v0bZKGUNFl6U6ziihuB9oWgopP1RioZULyXlRzbDH7yyIsjmYTao3NhVN76WicdDUSAWN00i27fDXc/s320/meandella.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
one week old :) I love her. can't you tell?</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy4AQIa67Yzk-m91hD88HpABr_ZNU9FQwaxhXw_-FQV-0fB5bBhVjxlw61a_eABnRB9wEIdiGVNu0tb64FRSxSjlAdRWCp45dWAusbaOL611NDfsdyA4xOZVylQNiBnaK4sAukjBnlopE/s1600/ellagirl.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy4AQIa67Yzk-m91hD88HpABr_ZNU9FQwaxhXw_-FQV-0fB5bBhVjxlw61a_eABnRB9wEIdiGVNu0tb64FRSxSjlAdRWCp45dWAusbaOL611NDfsdyA4xOZVylQNiBnaK4sAukjBnlopE/s320/ellagirl.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
not sure... I think 2 or 3 weeks here.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMD7GwTyPB0XwCAul8W0ObAHkZeUbTBLH4y3QtytSE6h4suxh0RtbZPSfrG6ST0S7vfklKjAJJ4GkbySMHPYAiCbjNrpYiXwWIgUOXK7eE2TqAqMiT113Q99RzqODXvDLGwAy3KhNq3Qw/s1600/first+dance.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMD7GwTyPB0XwCAul8W0ObAHkZeUbTBLH4y3QtytSE6h4suxh0RtbZPSfrG6ST0S7vfklKjAJJ4GkbySMHPYAiCbjNrpYiXwWIgUOXK7eE2TqAqMiT113Q99RzqODXvDLGwAy3KhNq3Qw/s320/first+dance.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
our first dance</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb9JaMWQ_2CDf4I1R_othnttGn16MDoawn0vgZYFijAfnKgPH1Zg-7OeaD6YINsgbJ_xTRiUdLCcwujPY_Pir9NfNSQyh2EyaWRyZOghfmKEvSfbZDE8n58wLu1N6h86wZOLxEYvL09cI/s1600/jordanandella.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb9JaMWQ_2CDf4I1R_othnttGn16MDoawn0vgZYFijAfnKgPH1Zg-7OeaD6YINsgbJ_xTRiUdLCcwujPY_Pir9NfNSQyh2EyaWRyZOghfmKEvSfbZDE8n58wLu1N6h86wZOLxEYvL09cI/s320/jordanandella.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Jordan holding Ella</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8mm4lIj0d0O058R8tYR7cbQFmZk8Ns8VB54jCk6Wx1x5e1W3GlesuLQ9_BVdLeUKeOOFpYxQrpDo_Nwg9m-MrG3UtVju1lM3dTciPCFbSkFz2O2WI0Y2elSgUrxZ_p4mKsDk-yqtQgns/s1600/jpmauracate.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8mm4lIj0d0O058R8tYR7cbQFmZk8Ns8VB54jCk6Wx1x5e1W3GlesuLQ9_BVdLeUKeOOFpYxQrpDo_Nwg9m-MrG3UtVju1lM3dTciPCFbSkFz2O2WI0Y2elSgUrxZ_p4mKsDk-yqtQgns/s320/jpmauracate.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Maura Cate on the left, "JP" Jefferson Pierce on the right</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCb9Amy4K2FfZe7hSOKaC48xeFzO9JvklW6_3FNkEyjnr4fq-zFuOZG156sb3NTPKu9_Nbq2wKIfyZWTj3x6s8hBIqYhhNYDmAf8XYhy4MZo0Om383ZrKDzcz8kEQ2f-qDW68plDlvfgg/s1600/wedding.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCb9Amy4K2FfZe7hSOKaC48xeFzO9JvklW6_3FNkEyjnr4fq-zFuOZG156sb3NTPKu9_Nbq2wKIfyZWTj3x6s8hBIqYhhNYDmAf8XYhy4MZo0Om383ZrKDzcz8kEQ2f-qDW68plDlvfgg/s320/wedding.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
and last but not least, one that I can show :) from our wedding day</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jordan and Malloreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11471312103307587895noreply@blogger.com0