Monday, September 17, 2012

and then there were 2...


yes. that's right- we are welcoming our sweet baby boy next year. I am officially outnumbered in the Gray household & I couldn't be more excited about that.

up until 2 weeks or so before we found out, we were absolutely convinced it was a girl... it seemed everyone else thought so too. (it's so silly to try and predict now looking back, because it's a 50/50 chance, HA!) but at our most recent midwife appointment, baby Gray was SO active and kicking frequently, although at that time I couldn't feel it... so I started to wonder if we had a little football player in there like daddy :)

as the weeks progressed, baby Gray became increasingly more active. I felt him kicking and moving around quite frequently, and pretty early on. He is an active and healthy baby, measuring tall, which we have NO idea where the height is coming from. He kicks all the time, rolls around all the time, & I will tell you, there is absolutely nothing in the world like feeling your baby move inside your belly. I am constantly overwhelmed with how the Lord has blessed us and how incredible, intricate, detailed, & perfect the pregnancy/birth process is.

I have always wanted an older brother and so we are overjoyed that our children after this baby boy will always have an older brother to look up to and take care of them. Most of you know my husband is the ultimate "man's man," so having a boy is right up his alley.


on a more serious note- many people who already know what we're having, have asked what we're going to name our baby. while I would LOVE to reveal, I think right now we're going to not "announce" the name, just to keep some surprises, plus it's kind of fun to reveal later on, but I will explain the meanings & why exactly we chose the names we did.

2-3 years ago, I was having some weird issues as far as serious fatigue, cramping, low energy, etc. I've always been very active, energetic and this was completely out of the norm for me. I went to the OB to see what was going on- did lab work, had an U/S... basically had some low hormone/vitamin levels, but also some concern over my ovaries/uterus. you may have heard the term "endometriosis." without going into medical jargon or too much detail... in addition to this U/S plus some other concerns, she explained to me that I would have a difficult time getting pregnant, if I could at all. I wouldn't know until I tried. **while I think she made a VERY presumptuous statement, the enemy really held onto that with me and used it. I instantly just knew I would never have children. I would be punished for things I had done, I'd never get to experience being pregnant for the first time, never be able to give my husband children... I mean just lie after lie after lie. But I truly believed it and just kind of got used to it.

(I'd like to add that there was absolutely zero trace of having endometriosis on my sonograms at our first appt!) the Lord is good.

about a year and a half ago, I started praying and begging the Lord that I wasn't barren, especially after I met Jordan. I told Jordan early on in our friendship what the doctor had told me, because I had already known I was going to marry him at this point... I was terrified it would change how he felt about me. (it didn't phase him :) ) but my biggest desire at that point in my life was to be Jordan's wife & to one day be able to give him children. (both very new desires for me). so I prayed and I begged that I would one day be a mom... if I couldn't birth my own that we could adopt or have spiritual children.

On our engagement night last year, my now brother in law told me the Lord wanted him to tell me that I was not barren... that He was going to one day give me a child. (he didn't know ANYTHING in regards to this.) so you can imagine how elated I felt in that moment. BUT... I still wasn't sure because obviously, we weren't having a baby anytime soon.

SO. flash forward to now... I am pregnant with our son. we are ridiculously happy newlyweds. both 2 answered prayers that I could not be more thankful for. 2 things I never thought I'd have... after we found out we were pregnant, a very very dear friend of mine who walked with me through a lot of the lies, sent me a text saying, "in spite of your best efforts to convince me you would never get married or have kids, you've done both. (almost). proud of you." and to me... there's nothing that shows the faithfulness of God more in my life than the 2 biggest blessings that I've gotten thus far.

the name we have chosen for our son means, "God has heard." which we feel is appropriate. his middle name is Jordan's first name, which is Christopher, meaning "Christ bearer." we really wanted to give our kids strong names with good meanings.

I never in a million years thought I could say... "my son." I went shopping after we found out & said my baby's name out loud and said "my son" and I started to tear up. SO OFFICIAL! To think I will be a mother... that my baby boy will call me "mommy" and Jordan "daddy," to know that we are responsible for this little life, for raising him to be a man like his father... that really is something.

in all of this, while going through many emotions, I have been reminded that God is faithful. that His timing is perfect. that He cares about the desires of my heart. that He listens and moves when we pray, even when it's not in the ways that we think or when we think He should. I am overjoyed. my heart is full.

I feel super vulnerable and exposed posting all of this, but I'm hoping it speaks to someone! I know there are women who desire to be moms, men who desire to be fathers, who haven't been able to conceive, can't afford to adopt, or are just having a hard time accepting where they are... I just know the Lord wants to give you good things. I had a hard time believing that for a long time. and now I couldn't be more convinced.

thanks for reading.